"don't tase me, hasbro"

Aaron Mesh reviews Transformers, which is developing such an epically bad score on Metacritic that I now cannot wait to see it:

The college career of Sam Witwicky, the earthly hero played by Shia LaBeouf in the Michael Bay sequel Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, lasts exactly two days. This is not because--as some of us might have forecast--he immediately flunks out, but is instead due to a summons from intergalactic robot chieftain Optimus Prime, who asks him to aid the Autobots and humanity. (The Autobots, you will recall, are the friendly robots who turn into cars. The Decepticons are the angry robots who turn into jet planes, mostly.) Sam wants to stay in school. "I'm a normal kid," he moans, "with normal problems."

This is easily the funniest line in the movie. Even allowing for his relationship with a talking Chevrolet Camaro, Sam is not living a typical existence. His life is what Bay imagines regular people live, which means it is bigger and better than anything you and I have ever experienced. Sam is dating Megan Fox, and as soon as he sets foot on a university campus, he is accosted by gorgeous members of the opposite sex, who want to molest him. Then the robots come calling. The only person who responds to the androids like a normal kid would--that is, by shrieking and crying--is Sam's roommate (Ramon Rodriguez), and the other characters grow annoyed and Tase him.