I haven't got a stitch to wear

Shootemup! I was in the bookstore Tuesday evening with Jess, when the Nuge's latest tome, Kill it and Grill it, caught my eye. I've had an infatuation with Bloodbrother Ted since high school, when my friend Paul and I discovered this meat-loving Tarzan of a rocker on VH1. What, you might ask, do Ted and a bookstore have to do with each other? Usually, not much. But, and this might surprise you like it surprised me, Ted is actually a best-selling author. Although, if you read Ted's replies on his Ask Nuge website, you might be inclined to think that Ted didn't write any of the words in his books (except the title, which, like that of his previous awesome spew "God, Guns, and Rock'N'Roll" is so Ted it hurts), since the book is filled with organized paragraphs and coherent sentences (bloody, mangled, crazed, and profanity-laced, but coherent -- and seemingly lacking in strangely capitalized/entirely unpunctuated references to Indian spirituality, unlike the Tribe Nuge -- "Our fire is for BloodBrotherz all."). That sentence wasn't particularly coherent. Maybe Ted wrote it.

Hands-on! Ted's writing style is actually so amazing it has to be accompanied by random shots of Ted posing with dead animals. Here's a brief sample (nuggets of the Nuge):

Q- Dear Ted: I would like to ask you your opinion on what type of handgun you would recommend. The main purpose would be carry and home defense. I have had revolvers but am now looking at semiautomatics. Something in a 40 cal. I think would be best. What do you think?
A- Thank you sir. I only hope that those who express appreciation for what I do will apply my activism and show sincere appreciation by helping me fight our fight. Your warrior memberships truly show you care. Salute! You cannot go wrong with any handgun LSK. FEEL is the key. .40 is a great caliber, especially with CorBon power ammo. I carry the ever reliable, fantastically accurate Glock Model 20 in 10mm, in which I can load .40 ammunition without a worry. The key is dedicated practice. Shootemup!!
Q- What's your opinion on hunting boar with only a bulldog and a knife? - Phil
A- I've done it & I luv it!! hands-on!! It's life!! BBT

Q- Dear Uncle Ted-
I have a 7 year old daughter who expresses a lot of interest in the world of hunting. My wife doesn't feel she is old enough to hunt with me. At what age do you think it's ok to take her hunting. She is very smart for a 7 year old and pays close attention to detail. Thank you! Mark, Ohio
A- I'm proud your little girl connects with the ol guitar player hunter! How cool is that! 7 is a fine age to baptize a youngster into the great Spirit of the Wild!! My daughter Sasha killed her 1st big Texas whitetail at that age & we had a blast! Be sure to break her in gentle, in easy weather conditions & a gentle time table to keep her comfortable. Take her almost to her limit to teach her self control & discipline but don't make her unnecessarily uncomfortable. Quality time with a BB gun & .22 rifle & handgun at easy close range targets will go far to encourage her. Take the wife under these same gentle conditions too & feel their spirit glow & grow!! Goodluck & let me know how ya all do. Godbless & Godspeed, BloodBrotherz, Ted

Clip it and grip it! In honor of the Nuge, in a determined bid to boost reader/blogger interaction, and in a blatant rip off of some other guy, I will now be writing my own Ask Ted advice column every Monday to take a load off, Annie. Please address your questions to "Ted", "the Nuge" or "BloodBrother Ted," but you can leave them in the comments section of my blog. If you don't ask any questions, I'll still write the answer, unless I get bored with it. All I have to say is... Prepare yourselves for Full Bluntal Nugeity!