Went to midwife. Still pregnant.
Cleaned house.
Granny, Mom, and Luisa came.
Made taco salad for lunch.
Grace H. came over.
Went to the arboretum and walked and walked.
Crashed back at home.
Sam came.
Had pizza.
Girls left.
Sam left.
Ellis decided to wake up in the middle of the night for several hours.

Today:
Ellis decided to wake up way early.
Got ready for school.
Took E to school.
Went to parent meeting.
Chatted with another mom for awhile.
Went to CHOP.
Got a Happy Meal for lunch. (so sue me)
Went to speech therapy.
Took a very circuitous route home through center city and Fairmount park due to university graduations and regatta on the river.
Picked up dinner at friend's house. (thankyouthankyou)
Ate.
Crashed on couch.
Still pregnant.

Overheard:
"Still here?" 35 times (rough approximation)
"When are you due?" 27 times
"You look ready!" 15 times
"Boy or Girl?" 12 times
"What are you doing here?" 7 times
"Are you having twins?" 1 time
"Shall I call labor and delivery?" 1 time (security guard at CHOP)
no comment. priceless

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today. I won't go into all the reasons it felt great to be there--other than, duh, breastfeeding support. I'm looking forward to nursing another baby. And it was nice to be around a group of women with a similar parenting style.

E was pretty easy to breastfeed--once we finally got a good latch, which took a couple of months. I think that was the only "side effect" of his being born 4 weeks early, an underdeveloped suck reflex. I'm not sure if I would've persevered through the HOURS it took to get a good feeding if my mom hadn't been there cheering me on. It convinced me that breastfeeding needs good support. So I'm looking forward to the fellowship of LLL.

There are many cute little clips out there of kids dancing to music hearing it with their cochlear implants. I always feel like posting the videos the of E dancing when he isn't wearing any hearing devices. It looks the same. He feels the vibration through our wood floors. I guess I have an evil streak. heehee.

Seriously, though, I do think the CI has made a difference in his enjoyment of some things. That's okay. He's always enjoyed blowing in the harmonica, but recently he's really gotten into it. He knows what he's hearing and likes it. And that's kind of fun.

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I pictured the end of this pregnancy to be something like having the baby around 38 weeks after feeling fairly decent, cleaning my house thoroughly, and making a few extra meals for the freezer.

AS IF!

Everywhere birthing information tells you that the one difference between true labor and false labor is regular or irregular contractions. Not true. I have regular contractions all the time. A few times a week, usually around the weekend since 34 weeks I'll a few hours of contractions every 5 mins (this is in addition to the random Braxton-hicks felt regularly). They are non-progressive and they peter out. They are not particularly painful though have gotten stronger by the week. And they are wearing me out. It makes more sense to call it pre-labor, because in the end, they are useful for toning the uterine muscle and will probably stand me in good stead once I finally hit active labor. Then there's the incredible pelvic pressure that inspires permanent recumbency. In the meantime, my house is a wreck and getting food on the table is a minor miracle.

Kind of wonder if "efficient" is the right word for my labor process?

So this is just to say, that, though expecting a baby soon has done great things for my blog stats, I'm still hanging around in pre-labor purgatory.

* I got my haircut this week. I like my short, short hair. I never have to deal with it. But I do have great hair (not to give myself airs or anything), so sometimes i feel guilty for liking it so short. I always get happy vibes from the stylist when s/he cuts my hair. What I don't like is when they get a vision for my hair. It's usually not in my vision. Thankfully, this last time the stylist managed to keep her vision to verbal conversation about the potential of my hair. I have found that I tend to get the haircut that I want from male stylists. My hair style is short and feminine, and men seem to accept that more than women.

* We started eating cold cereal again this week. There are few times in life when I buy cold cereal. At the beginning of my pregnancy when I need to put something in my stomach asap, and I usually get a gingery cereal to help with the nausea. At Christmas, when we can choose our favorite cereal. And now at the end of the pregnancy when I just can't seem to make anything happen. We're pretty big fans of oatmeal, and not buying cold cereal saves a lot of money. But there are just some times when you need cold cereal in your life. Incidentally, now I can add cold cereal to the list of Things Ellis Will Eat (he does like oatmeal, too--just not granola).

Since I'm GBS positive, they want me there early on to get my doses of antibiotics. And since my first labor was, as she described it, efficient (5 hours of active labor, with a little help from Pit), my second labor will likely be even more "efficient." So "your bags are packed, right?"

She also said something that was music to a pregnant woman's ears: just rest as much as you possibly can. She did not say that I would go into labor tomorrow. She did not say that I would go into labor at 40 weeks. She did say that we're just waiting for the baby to be ready. And was very chipper about it. I did not cry after my appointment.

Afterwards, E and I went to Park Day and met up with our buddies. Maddie is moving soon. Boohoo. I found them in the tunnel playing. Maddie said they were watching TV. E was just kicking the sides. Funny to see the difference between girl and boy right there.

I stayed at the park for three hours with E. It took him about two minutes to fall asleep tonight.

C started a new job. Yea, as if two weren't enough. Fortunately he can do some of it from home, but sometimes needs to go to the office, about a 35-45 min drive from our house. We have one car. Hopefully, with this job we can buy another. C is basically a self-taught computer geek. He's basking in the fact that with his most recent two jobs he's getting paid to work on the computer. It's nice to see him enjoy his work and use his skills.

1. I have a mole on my left hand. It's how I used to remember which hand was left. I may have used this fact in a previous meme.

2. Ever since seeing the movie Pollyanna with Hayley Mills as a kid, I've had a thing for prisms. Can't get enough of dancing rainbows on the wall.

3. I can eat an average sized watermelon by myself in two days. Watermelon is my favorite.

4. I have trouble suspending reality when I watch movies/tv shows. So I'm pretty much a loser when it comes to anything remotely suspenseful, involves loud noises and blood, or relies on anything besides dialog and pretty scenery to carry the story along. Sometimes this makes me sad, because I know the movie is worth watching, I just can't watch it. Examples of things I can't watch: Jurassic Park, CSI anything, Kill Bill, the entire horror genre.

5. Thomas the Train weirds me out. I don't offer to E as a viewing option very often.

6. Today I saw a bumper sticker. It was in the image of a dog paw and said "Who rescued who?" By the end of the red light I was about ready to go the roof in annoyance, the kind of edge that you get when someone scratches the chalkboard. It's "who rescued WHOM?" OBJECTIVE CASE, BUDDY!!!!!!!!!

7. I have this strange idea that I can use Facebook solely for social networking purposes and not for entertainment.

* Here's an 8th item. I don't mind writing memes, but I don't like to pass them on. Now that my blog is five and a half years old, I consider myself middle-aged in blogging years. That means I'm getting crotchety, so I'll not pass it on. But if you want to do it and pretend I passed it to you, by all means. I'll play along. ;-)

Not too long ago, I was meeting with a sweet mom in a coffee shop and she brought her two children along. They were sweet children, but they were all over her and ran her ragged. I was talking with my older children later about it and asked them what we did differently. It was humorous to hear how opinionated they were, but it also reminded me how intentionally we taught them to be patient and to wait their turn–because they all remembered it the same way. It is the concept that I call self-government–probably a Victorian character quality that I read about along the way and in a book about the principle approach to life.

The definition of self-government is the idea that a person learns to command himself, his impulses, his work habits, his emotions, His intellect and talents and rule over his will in a productive way. Children can begin this at a very early age, but it is also of utmost importance to adults–as one cannot be a mature believer unless one has mastered self-government and self-control and patience.

...

Sometimes when people find out that Clay and I are grace-based in our approach to parenting, people assume that that means lenient and undisciplined. However, we were very idealistic and had high expectations for our children, but we instructed them through consistent training, not primarily through force and multiple spankings but through relational discipleship based training. Our philosophy also looked at each child differently–as an individual–so that we could best figure out what appealed to and reached teh heart of each child. Introverts responded differently and behaved differently than our extroverts. Boys were differently wired than our girls. Learning issues and maturity levels greatly influenced a child’s ability to be mature. All factors which cause us to understand that we needed to appeal to each child’s heart based on knowing the heart of each child.

When we go over to the arboretum, it seems that one special thing strikes me every time, whether it be birthday daffodils, exhilirating flowering trees, or fiddle-headed ferns. I never know what it's going to be until I get there. Today it was dandelions. Last week, my mom showed Ellis how to Pick a Dandelion and Give to Your Mom. We walked along, and he picked a puffy dandelion for me. I showed him how to blow the puff (sorry, arboretum). Before I knew it we were plopped in the grass blowing puffs and sniffing buttercups. It was magical in the way only a kid can make an pesky weed be.

Before we went over to the arboretum, I was in a majorly crabby mood. I didn't sleep well last night. I'm cumbersome, tired, and huge. blah, blah. I know it sounds cheesy, but being there in the quiet with the green and the trees and the scent of honeysuckle in the air was incredibly soothing. Yes, it really is that idyllic there. Communing with nature is in my roots, and it comforts me in a deep primordial way. I hope I can give my kids a similarly satisfying experience, of pointing out all the details that my parents showed us, to show the pleasure we take in watching the ordering of the seasons, first the bulbs, then the trees, trillium, lilacs...

Ellis noticed the pollen strands littering the sidewalk underneath the oak trees. I showed him a branch with a few strands still attached, and we watched them blow down in the breeze.

We stopped by the little cabin that sits next to a gurgling brook. I sat on the bench and Ellis threw bits of leaves into the stream. I saw a woman painting with her easel set up on the bridge. I thought that if I could paint, I would want to capture the way the sunlight glimmered through the young maple leaves.

I enjoyed this afternoon with E. We have so few remaining, just the two of us. He probably won't remember his life before his brother, but I will.

I've already written about it. But I thought I'd put in an extra plug. Upon rewatching it, I'd highly recommend it to women are pregnant for their first time (or any time!) or wanting to become pregnant, because it really goes into the choices you have and gives clear information that your doctor might not be as forthwith about (like about Pitocin and stuff).

My two cents.

Anyway, I rewatched it this weekend hoping it would be a little pep rally, but it wasn't really. I'm trying to take each day at a time.

Reminding myself that weeks of prelabor will probably hold me in good stead at the end. In the meantime, I'm very tired. And thankful for all the graciousness friends and family are bestowing upon me.

I figured that I really ought to make some baby shoes for my own kid. I found this linen in the scraps bin at the fabric store, and it's SO SOFT. I love it!!! I may just start a new affair with linen.

My mom still has my sewing machine, so I hand-stitched these shoes. It actually didn't take very long and has been kind of therapeutic. The onesie is just a simple applique with that awesome applique fusible stuff.

The meeting lasted two and a half hours, and I'm satisfied with what we came up with. One of our biggest concerns was that the IEP take into consideration Ellis as a whole deaf person, not just a cochlear implant. The biggest implication for this would be where he goes to school (in our case, he will stay at PSD). But the smaller implications are in the details. If there are speech production goals, are there also ASL goals, for instance? The goals need to clearly reflect a bilingual approach and take into consideration growth and development in two languages, two modalities, with adequate support, instruction, and evaluation for both.

So we took a long time to hash through all the tiny details of both the evaluation report and the IEP draft.

The two women from the county working with us are really terrific. I imagine, on a personal level, we might not agree on everything about deaf education choices, but they respect our desires and philosophy of education and have gone the extra mile to help us get what we feel is best for our family. Ellis's Deaf teacher from the school also came (we invited her) and was great help in articulating ASL goals.

I'm really relieved that E will get to stay at PSD next year for the beginning of preschool. He'll go five days a week, which I think is crazy for 3 yos. But I'm not going to send him all day, which I think is even CRAZIER for 3yos. The program runs from 8.30 to 2.45! I'm bringing him home at noon, because he doesn't need to stay at school for a nap (LOL!) and a snack, you know? The instruction time is basically done by noon anyway.

It's kind of amazing to think that the first IEP hurdle is behind us. I kind of have to laugh at myself, too, because a few months ago, I was so obsessive about the big, scary IEP. But now I'm so absorbed with the immanent end to this pregnancy, that I kept forgetting that we had the meeting scheduled for this afternoon and almost went to get my haircut.

So now we're squared away for the upcoming school year. So far I much prefer how the IEP is set up in our county than the IFSP (the 0-3yo plan that we've been on since we started services).

A lot of the experience of giving birth is mental. I'm convinced. It's what made E's birth so difficult in a lot of ways. I talked myself out of the fact that I was in labor, despite several glaring signs, so when there it all of a sudden was I had a hard time coping. Yes, it was nice that I didn't have to suffer through the waiting game with E, but I'm not sure if I fared much better for having to deal with all the other stuff surrounding that experience.

Now that I have the experience of childbirth one time it's easier for me to begin to imagine and hope what the next one will be like. And I think it will help me to do so. These past two weeks I've been picturing a hospital birth and imagining scenarios and conversations wherein I was advocating for how I wanted to give birth. I stayed up late one night and wrote a thorough birth plan (which I was kind of proud of in the end). A hospital transfer is not outside the realm of possiblity, but that's different than understanding "if you go into labor on this date, you WILL go to the hospital."

I have reached May 1 and have begun adjusting my mental state all day. Now I can go back to imagining a freer birth, unencumbered by wires, monitors, beds, IVs, and I'm beginning to feel excited again. If we hadn't been thrust on the roller coaster at 34 weeks, I imagine that the past few days might have felt a bit calmer. But we are where we are. And May is a lovely time to have a baby.

And for the record, I'm glad I started baby preparations when I did, even if it's sooner than some people do. Because I sure don't feel like doing anything right now. I'd still rather sit and wait and have it done!

I'm tellin' ya, this baby is just gonna fall out. He is so low! I feel punches in the top of my thigh.