Marlowe is nine days old.

He had his first well-baby visit with our new pediatrician today and is back to birth weight after the typical losing a few ounces after birth. He's also gained half an inch in length and head circumference.

I like our new ped. We sort of stumbled into the one we had when E was a baby, and she was kind of nuts. Then I had to transfer a year ago because of insurance, which was nice, because I didn't know how to break up with the first one. But E only saw the new one once, because he was so healthy last year. But I wanted one I felt like I could develop a relationship with. The one I chose I feel like I can really talk to and that she'll respect me. She's a bit more mainstream than I would like, but she didn't balk at all when I didn't get the Hep B vaccine today. And the receptionist staff at this ped office is hands-down the most friendly, helpful staff I have ever encountered at a medical establishment! So anyway, new ped: check.

Overall, he's doing fantabulously! Get this, he sleeps! Can you believe it!? Like for multiple hours at a time! I sometimes have to actually wake him up to nurse!! It's a good thing we had Ellis first, because I know not to take this for granted. He also nurses very well. And is just totally adorable. He usually has a long stretch of wakefulness at one point during the day. He just looks and looks at us squarely in the eye.

We finally have a name sign for him, too, so that Ellis can call him something besides "baby". Since his nickname is Peanut and because he has a little dimple on his chin, his name sign is the letter M handshape tapped on the chin as if to sign PEANUT (the side of the index finger tapping on the chin).

Ellis loves on him. Kissing him and signing ILY (i love you). He wants to hold him whenever he gets a chance. And tells me MILK every time he cries. (He'd try to help him latch on, too, if I let him. haha)

But it's not saying much when your newborn infant is sleeping better than your nearly 3yo. Poor Ellis. He takes all his stress out on his sleep. All his growth and development, all his major life changes, it all gets thrown on his sleep and becomes lack thereof. Lately, he's actually made it to nearly 5 am, maybe waking up once and falling right back to sleep when sought snuggles are snuggled. It's hard to coax him past 5, though. Too early for mamas. Too early for little boys! Especially ones who don't nap. It turns him into a maniac bouncing off the walls. It's hard to balance the sympathy I feel for him, exhausted and upheaved life, and the irritation that creeps up on me when he is just flipped out crazy. I'm trying to spend some extra time with him during Marlowe's amazing naps. It's nice to be able to sit on his floor again. To feel like I can move and do things with him. Eventually we'll find our new normal.

Posted by at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

All the gory details. Read on at your own risk. ;-)

So it's hard to say when labor really started. Weeks of regular contractions that began around 34 weeks didn't help matters. Then in the last two weeks I hardly had any contractions--just a few random Braxton-Hicks here and there, which did not help my morale. But we don't need to dwell on my personal roller coaster of the end of the pregnancy. I'm just glad that part is over with.

The due date I figured was Sunday, May 25, which, incidentally, was the day he was born. heh, heh. I felt a little vindicated. On Saturday morning I lost my plug and began spotting. I don't think I could've been more cheerful than I was all day. I knew the end was in sight. I knew it could be a few more days but probably not much longer.

In the afternoon, I took a nap, because that is what one does when one resembles a whale, and just in case.. Around 4.30 I started to get very light contractions, that gradually seemed to fall into some regularity, but they were very light and short. In the evening we went over to my ILs for supper, and I'm feeling downright jolly. The contractions were get a tad stronger, and around 5.30 I was timing them at about 5-10 mins apart, though still pretty light and short. By 7 things were still pretty consistent and progressing a bit, so I thought it would be a good idea if Ellis spent the night with Grammy and Poppy, so while Chris was giving him a bath, I called the Birth Center to see what they thought.

My contractions were about 5 mins apart and getting a bit stronger, but still very manageable. Since I was Group B Strep positive, the midwife wanted me to come in right away so I could get a dose of the antibiotic. I was a little worried about leaving Ellis because he'd been in kind of a funky mood all week, so I got down next to him and explained that mommy and daddy were leaving and he was staying to sleep with Grammy (which he's done before, so wasn't a huge deal). He just looked at me and said "bye! bye!" and gave me a friendly shove, like, well, go on already! Ok. Ellis was cool.

We stopped by our house on the way to get our stuff and C made a pot of coffee. The contractions were getting a bit more uncomfy sitting in the car. We arrived at the Birth Center around 8/8.30. Some of my hindwaters had leaked on the way, but thankfully, I didn't have full water breakage. The midwife checked me and I was 3cm and 75% effaced, so I felt like we could settle in for the long haul. They gave a round of antibiotics by IV, which took about 20 mins, and then unhooked me leaving the heparin lock in my arm to hook up later if need be. Then I could move around freely.

By then it was dusk and it was a beautiful spring evening, so I just went outside and walked. And walked and walked. They have a nice little garden in the back, which was a pleasant, and we were the only family there, so I just took laps in the parking lot enjoying the refreshing night air touched with a scent of something nice and flowering. My parents came around 9.30/10; I had asked my mom to come. My sister was around, too. So I walked, sipped on my water bottle, chatted between contractions with my family, paused to work through contractions and give my pelvis a little rocking action, and then I would come in, go to the bathroom, the midwife would take a listen to the baby's heartbeat and take my temp, and then I'd go back outside. It was a very, very nice way to spend the first part of labor.

Around 10.30 I began to feel myself turning the corner a little bit. Contractions required more focus and were lasting longer. Around 11 I was ready for the jacuzzi. Once I got in there things really sped up. It was wonderful when I first got in, I could just let my body relax and I found the jet streams really soothing. As a result, I felt like what there was left to dilate went pretty quickly and contractions got really intense really fast, and I found myself vocalizing as a way to work through them, just some kind of release really helped.

Unfortunately, at the birth center, they don't do water births...something about regulations requiring a tub with open sides that they just weren't able to fit in with their floor plan. So when I started feeling like I had pressure to push (at about 11.30/45), I had to get out, which I was actually okay with. It was really intense even though I was in the water and I felt like I needed more support anyway. On the way to the bed I had a couple more contractions. When the midwife checked me I was 9 cm.

Then I hit that nether region of transition, which I don't really remember too much of. It was very, very intense. I don't really remember making a decision to push. All of a sudden my body was pushing. It was kind of crazy at first, but I found my groove to work with the contractions and the midwife was coaching me. I could feel his head gradually crowning. And then she said, "Ok, get the baby out in this next contraction." So I pushed like crazy and yelled like crazy, and out he came. They put him on my chest and he cried lustily.

But then they told me that he had a really long cord, and it was wrapped around his neck twice and around his feet. His heart rate had dropped just as he was descending, so she had had me push him out fast rather than in a controlled, supported way. So I ended up tearing my perineum and clitoral artery, which meant the next several minutes were devoted to the very unpleasant task of getting stitches. I was really bummed about the stitches, but really happy that Marlowe was okay. He was born at 12.12 am on Sunday morning, about four hours after we got to the birth center.

Marlowe stayed on my chest for a long time. He latched on after about fifteen minutes and sucked for almost an hour. When he seemed content, they went ahead and measured and weighed him. I was shocked that he was only 6'14"! I expected him to be a lot bigger. I love my tiny peanut baby, though, so I'm pleasantly surprised.

After everything got situated and quieted down, and my parents left to spend the night at our apartment, I took a quick shower, and then Chris and I snuggled to sleep with our little baby. I actually didn't sleep for very long, though. Hormones, adrenalin, staring at the baby.

Ellis came in the morning with a big balloon for the new baby. He loved the baby instantly and has been hugging and kissing him and signing "I love you" ever since. I had matching shirts for the boys and we went home around noon.

I've been convalescing at home ever since. My mom and sister have been here taking care of me and Ellis has spent a few nights with Grammy. Recovery is going well, but the stitches make it harder. (grr) I'm really tired, though. I haven't been sleeping well.

Marlowe has been nursing well. He has a good latch with minimal coaching. Yay! It took Ellis a good month to get a good latch. It's nice to have experience on my side this time. Marlowe has dark hair and brown eyes. Yesterday the nurse came out from the birth center for one last checkup. He passed his hearing screen; we definitely notice him startling more than Ellis ever did. Chris already has nicknamed him "Peanut".

Having a baby at a freestanding birth center with a midwife was infinitely better than my hospital experience!! Night and day. I had also contemplated doing a home birth, but in the end, I was happy with the birth center. I liked not having to think about gathering supplies together, but I missed building a relationship with one midwife. There were seven at this birth center, and I just got whoever was on call. She was great and I had a really good experience. Most of all, though, I really liked the freedom I had. It was nice to manage my own labor and be in a comfortable environment.

Posted by at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

squared circles - Clocks
Originally uploaded by Leo Reynolds.

Well, something is finally happening. It looks like we may be on the home stretch. I think we may be a family of four before the long weekend is over. I don't want to get your hopes up too much. And don't start calling me every two hours, but things are looking really promising.

Posted by at 4:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Roughly ten weeks difference:

I've hit the wall. No more coping. Just crying until this baby is born.

I had an midwife appt this morning. Short and sweet. Everything fine. Now I kind of wished I had asked for an exam to jiggle things up a bit. I was too tired to think.

Here's one to scare teenagers from too much hanky-panky (kidding!):

Posted by at 7:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Just kidding. About the hippy part.

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today. I won't go into all the reasons it felt great to be there--other than, duh, breastfeeding support. I'm looking forward to nursing another baby. And it was nice to be around a group of women with a similar parenting style.

E was pretty easy to breastfeed--once we finally got a good latch, which took a couple of months. I think that was the only "side effect" of his being born 4 weeks early, an underdeveloped suck reflex. I'm not sure if I would've persevered through the HOURS it took to get a good feeding if my mom hadn't been there cheering me on. It convinced me that breastfeeding needs good support. So I'm looking forward to the fellowship of LLL.

Posted by at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

...is just stinkin' tedious.

At the beginning of this pregnancy, I pictured the end of this pregnancy to be something like having the baby around 38 weeks after feeling fairly decent, cleaning my house thoroughly, and making a few extra meals for the freezer.

AS IF!

Everywhere birthing information tells you that the one difference between true labor and false labor is regular or irregular contractions. Not true. I have regular contractions all the time. A few times a week, usually around the weekend since 34 weeks I'll a few hours of contractions every 5 mins (this is in addition to the random Braxton-hicks felt regularly). They are non-progressive and they peter out. They are not particularly painful though have gotten stronger by the week. And they are wearing me out. It makes more sense to call it pre-labor, because in the end, they are useful for toning the uterine muscle and will probably stand me in good stead once I finally hit active labor. Then there's the incredible pelvic pressure that inspires permanent recumbency. In the meantime, my house is a wreck and getting food on the table is a minor miracle.

Kind of wonder if "efficient" is the right word for my labor process?

So this is just to say, that, though expecting a baby soon has done great things for my blog stats, I'm still hanging around in pre-labor purgatory.

Posted by at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

My mood has gradually gotten better all day. May 1 has been the magic day I've been aiming for for the past two weeks. Now I know that the little auxiliary box I've been preparing for the birth center is not in vain. I think that deep in my mind I didn't think I'd actually get to use it. But here is May 1, I'm far enough along to have a birth center birth and not a hospital birth.

A lot of the experience of giving birth is mental. I'm convinced. It's what made E's birth so difficult in a lot of ways. I talked myself out of the fact that I was in labor, despite several glaring signs, so when there it all of a sudden was I had a hard time coping. Yes, it was nice that I didn't have to suffer through the waiting game with E, but I'm not sure if I fared much better for having to deal with all the other stuff surrounding that experience.

Now that I have the experience of childbirth one time it's easier for me to begin to imagine and hope what the next one will be like. And I think it will help me to do so. These past two weeks I've been picturing a hospital birth and imagining scenarios and conversations wherein I was advocating for how I wanted to give birth. I stayed up late one night and wrote a thorough birth plan (which I was kind of proud of in the end). A hospital transfer is not outside the realm of possiblity, but that's different than understanding "if you go into labor on this date, you WILL go to the hospital."

I have reached May 1 and have begun adjusting my mental state all day. Now I can go back to imagining a freer birth, unencumbered by wires, monitors, beds, IVs, and I'm beginning to feel excited again. If we hadn't been thrust on the roller coaster at 34 weeks, I imagine that the past few days might have felt a bit calmer. But we are where we are. And May is a lovely time to have a baby.

And for the record, I'm glad I started baby preparations when I did, even if it's sooner than some people do. Because I sure don't feel like doing anything right now. I'd still rather sit and wait and have it done!

I'm tellin' ya, this baby is just gonna fall out. He is so low! I feel punches in the top of my thigh.

Posted by at 11:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I was feeling all excited today because I've basically made it to 36 weeks (well, as of tomorrow) and now I can deliver at the birth center instead of the hospital. My mom came for the day, and we took a long walk around the arboretum, which I've been holding back on, so it was nice to go. The baby is SO incredibly low and low back pain (that's been different from my other back pain) started last night; general yuckness. But no real contractions, just occasional Braxton Hicks. I've been holding back and resting, and today I felt excited and free to have this baby.

Then we went to my midwife appt. And I found my GBS test was positive. And she's like "It's hard when your first baby is early, because you could easily go all the way with your next." which is true. And sort of had been my mindset until our stint at the hospital a week and a half ago to stop contractions. I mentioned that I had already been at the hospital to stop labor and she was like--oh that wasn't labor or you would've have the baby; you'll have that kind of thing a lot at the end and you should just ignore it. No, they weren't contractions producing dilation, but it's hard to just ignore contractions coming every 3-5 mins for over 8 hours! Such as that stint was. whatever.

She didn't say anything that wasn't true. I could very well go all the way to 40 weeks. But she wasn't very encouraging about it either, just sort of matter-of-fact. And I kind of thought she'd do an internal exam, which she didn't, which is probably good, because unnecessary prying around is probably good to avoid, but it left me feeling like a pregnant blob and not like someone who might give birth soon. She didn't say anything encouraging about the fact that I made it this far. And in a sense, she didn't say anything different than the midwife said last time (there are 7 in the group, so I'm always seeing a different one), but last week the way the other midwife said it encouraged me and motivated me to keep persevering.

When we got to the car, I just cried. I cried all the way home and cried myself to sleep for a nap. I'm glad my mom was here.

I don't know what i was expecting. I guess I've been focusing too much on just making it to May 1 that May 29 just seemed like a laughable impossibility. Or maybe part of me even thought that if she did an internal exam she'd exclaim "holy cow! this baby is going to fall out!" I sort of feel like I've been running a marathon and starting to feel like i could spot the finish line, but someone pointed out to me that there was this whole extra 5k loop that I hadn't seen. Maybe I'll have this baby in four days, maybe in four weeks. Maybe some people just feel this crappy for weeks and weeks. And it's probably a good thing for the baby to bake a little longer. *sigh* I just feel really discouraged.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on being thankful for the little encouragements: my mom being here and my friend making us a meal for tonight.

Posted by at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

You may find this article interesting: Why Do Babies Cry.

It discusses the anatomy and physiology of the first few minutes of a newborn's life. What happens as they exchange breathing through the umbilical cord to breathing through their lungs. It's really cool!!

Posted by at 10:30 PM | Permalink

Posted by at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It seems that everyone in blogosphere is reporting the invasion of the snot monster into their homes. Thankfully, we seem to be avoiding coldiness (knock on wood).

I wanted to put in a plug for something we use when the snotties visit: Warming Vaporous Rub, which I happened to find at Whole Foods--though I'm sure it's not hard to find a basic rub like this (or even make your own). It's a rub containing pine, peppermint, lavender, thyme, and yarrow essential oils. We used this a lot when E was a baby. It smells so nice and really brings a lot of relief for average snotties. (Something else you could do is just put a few drops of eucalyptus oil in the vaporizer or bath.)

Here's to babies who can breathe better!

Posted by at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

And there's 10 weeks more. Could I get any bigger?
I don't think I'll go all the way to 40 weeks. I really don't. I'm guessing somewhere around 37 or 38.
(If I'm totally wrong, do not...I repeat...DO NOT rub it in my face or remind me in any way that I thought it would be a little earlier.)
The midwife did report on Wednesday at my appointment that the baby was head down. I know this doesn't mean anything by way of when the baby will actually be born. But it's the first step. And a relief when that happens.

Anyway, given my previous experience with Ellis, I'm going to be ready for this baby by 36 weeks. 'Cause I'm sure it's more fun sitting around waiting and prepared than utterly unprepared with a new baby. Besides, if I'm waiting, I can always find something to do, like organize the pantry or something. Or lie around and watch TV. You know, a variety of constructive options.

But since this baby is my second I don't have to start from scratch. That's nice.

So I'm drafting my to-do list here. Any commentaries on helpful/unhelpful things are welcome

Stuff To Get:
* sidecar cosleeper thingy. I'm one of those people who before she had a baby never understood the appeal of cosleeping...until I had a baby, and then I couldn't imagine doing otherwise. Love it. But I'm also a very light sleeper, and think I might do better if I had a little distance when not nursing, but still close enough that I wouldn't have to sit up or move or anything to nurse. I like the added safety a cosleeper would bring, too. i want to get a full-size so that I can use it as long as possible. I really don't want to set up the crib until at least 6 mos, and then use it only for naps, which we did with E and really liked. I have a pack'n'play with bassinet insert, too. But I plan on using that in living room behind the couch as a changing table until I feel like getting down on the floor where my basket system is for E. It might also be a nice nap place (esp if this baby is deaf, too. haha!) or safe place to put baby while i go to the bathroom kind of thing. So the cosleeper is probably the biggest purchase. That and a second carseat for when he grows out of the infant seat, but that can wait a bit.

* a highchair. I borrowed the one I used for E. I plan on getting Ikea's Antilop. My kitchen is SO small, I can't imagine having anything larger than this. Besides, I love that it's so simple, definitely redefines cleaning a highchair. And at $20, how could I resist.

* Moriah made me a cool pouch sling with padded legs. I'm very excited about this. I would also like to try a wrap, and I'm hoping I can meet someone who has one for me to try. I've been looking online for babywearing groups and am not having much luck. There was a group that met near here not long ago, but they met on Sunday, so no luck there. And I already have the Beco. So I feel pretty set for my babywearing needs. The stroller continues to gather dust in the back our van. It has its place; I'm not totally anti-stroller. But I will admit, it's not my favorite baby accessory, and I see no need for strollers in the first several months. And it's still in good shape, so I don't need a new one. That's just my style.

* Grammy just got us two swaddling blankets that are reported truly to be miracle blankets. I'm SO excited about this. ANYthing that will potentially help this baby be a better sleeper.

* I may get a couple of fresh new onesies and nightgowns for him, too. So that not everything he has is hand-me-down.

* I need new nursing bras. I threw away the ones I had before after E weaned, because they were so worn out.

STUFF TO DO
* Total Bedroom Makeover. We have to rearrange our teeny, tiny bedroom in order to make room for the cosleeper. And we're going to patch the plaster and paint it! And do something about extra storage/shelving and work on general coziness. I may even make new curtains. I need to make a quilt for the bed, too. It will be nothing fancy. But we can't use the duvet while cosleeping. And it's too hot for summer anyway.

* Sew!
-- The living room curtains. Chris would love it if I would sew a couch cover before our couch is totally destroyed. Some big pillows for toddlers to roll around on contributing to Ultimate Living Room Coziness.
-- The quilt. Maybe bedroom curtains.
-- Cute little lightweight cotton infant pants, because I think they are the cutest ever. Burp cloths (b/c spitup is infinitely more tolerable if you have awesome looking burp clothes). The diaper bag of my dreams, with compartments just the way I like. Soft baby shoes.
-- Some dressup stuff for E for his birthday in June.
-- Get caught up on gifts.

* Read stuff.
-- I want to read What your Doctor May Not Tell you about Children's Vaccinations and The Vaccination Book from Dr. Sears. I'm interested in delayed/selective vaccinations. I think vaccinating can be a good thing, but I don't think little babies should be pumped up with all the stuff, nor should they be vaccinated against STDs (um. yea.). But I need to know more. And I think I may have to find a new pediatrician, too, which I dread doing. But I have some numbers to call.
-- My birthin' books. I'm mostly going through Natural Childbirth the bradley way, which I like b/c is common sense/practical. I've also been reading Hypnobirthing, which, if you can get past the title, has some helpful things regarding relaxation. I'm not sure if I can totally get into it, but I like it's overall concept.

Okay. So there's my list. If I think of more, I'll add to it. But it's nice to write it all out. It's SO NICE to just be able to relax and have fun getting ready for baby, instead of madly finishing a semester and packing up house and home and moving across the country mere weeks before the baby is born. I didn't get to nest with my first baby, so I'm soaking it up now.

Posted by at 7:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)

I want to know who those people are out there. WHO!? Who those women are? the ones the pregnancy books talk about and say "some women report never feeling better in their life." 'Cause seriously, girls, has pregnancy really been the peak of feeling great for you?

So there's 40 weeks allotted in a pregnancy. That's 12 weeks more. Is it possible to feel this yuck for 12 more weeks? I assume I will find out. No amount of yoga is helping the feeling that my abdomen is falling apart ligament by little ligament. Or helping the fact that I lie awake for hours at night, knowing that I will have no rest in the day. Or the fact that indeed I have to pee again. I had a majorly stressful life when I was pregnant with E, but I don't remember feeling this yuck. I tried to explain this morning to my midwife how yuck I feel. Her idea? more rest. Yea-Right!

I put Curious George on shuffle this afternoon for He Who Does Not Nap and crashed on the couch. I didn't sleep but I rested. I felt bad. We've gotten into a good habit of having nice playtime together on down afternoons. And last night during some of the hours I was awake, I just looked at him and thought about how much his life will change--I think he'll love having a baby brother, but it won't be the same. So anyway, now I'm getting sentimental.

Posted by at 7:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Just when you think you have two-year-old figured out, he goes wonky on you. Morphs into a new human. There's a hundred little ways he's growing and changing. He wants to do it himself--he gets the juice out the fridge, hands me the bottle to pour for him, and puts it back. (I'm dreading the day when he decided he can pour it, too.) He comes up with more games to play. He obsesses over his cars. He hangs out in Blue Ikea Bags.

And then after two years of a consistent bedtime routine that starts with a bath, which has always loved, he decides that he hates baths. I mean loathes them. Like the water is going to make him melt. And then two nights ago, baths are okay again. We never stopped giving him a bath, because we can't think outside the box of the Bedtime Routine. We all depend on it, so even if he just got his toes wet, we still could check that off the Routine Checklist.

And the CI? um, he's never been thrilled with wearing it, but was getting into a new groove. But then, he just decided he was over it. And now it's cool again.

Wearing shoes? well, he can be persuaded to wear yellow, rubber boots.

Because I'm the mom, I see the long-term benefits of having a bath, wearing the CI, wearing shoes, so I have to find a way to speak his language. And he will be persuaded eventually. For a 2yo life is play, a game. That's how he learns. I can't compromise on the things that need doing, but I can alter how I approach him about doing them.

This is a typical CI-putting-on session:
Me: "It's time to put on your CI." (signing)
E: shakes head, signs "no", covers his ear.
Me: "Should Mommy wear it?"
E: laughs, shakes head no
Me: "Should Monkey [or Bear or Cow or Doll or Lightening McQueen] wear it?"
E: laughs, shakes head no
Me: "Whose CI is it?"
E: signs MINE, laughing
Me: "Where does it go? On your toes?"
E: laughs, no
Me: "On your thumb?"
E: laughs, no
Me: "On your nose?"
E: laughs, no
Me: "Where?"
E: laughing, offers his right ear, where I calmly attach it to his head

Repeat scenario for dressing, diaper changing, baths, eating. At the end of the day we have a cared for toddler and a mom expert in diplomacy, seriously, the UN should hire me. Sometimes he needs more of this others. Sometimes, he's just like OK! What can I say? Toddlers like routines. Even if it is a play routine.

I only had to do the CI Routine 4 times yesterday. Beats 4 times in an hour.

Posted by at 8:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I have recently found a blog that just blows me away. It's my new favorite blog: The Artful Parent: The intersection of Art and Parenting.

The title kind of says it all. It's about a mother and her interactions with her toddler doing art things, resources for the rest of us, art ideas, art concepts, and the philosophy of doing art with children. They have weekly art playdates with other toddlers. I love it because it partly explores what is developmentally appropriate for their age, developing their own sense of creativity.

I know nothing about art. At best, I can categorize paintings into historical genres and mediums. I know what was important when. I know the Virgin Mary is painted in cobalt blue. But as far as applied art? nothing. Never had an art class. Ever. Not even in high school. We had art class like 3 times in first grade. And I think after school a couple of times in jr high. I've always had art supplies available to me. I've dibbled and dabbled here and there, reading a few books. But basically I know nothing. But I think creativity is really important, and its something I want to inspire daily with my kids. Resources like this blog are really valuable to me, because I'm getting an education about more constructive ways to share the art experience with my toddler.

Posted by at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

How awesome yoga is!!! Seriously! Where has this been all my life!?

I've been wanting some kind of exercise thing I can do for this pregnancy, but have had so much back pain that even taking walks sounded overwhelming. And I'm not really in a position to go joining gyms or classes. Someone recommended this dvd: Prenatal Yoga. And it has been so fantastic!! I can actually do it. There's no one shouting beats to you as you try to do those dreadfully coordinated aerobic workouts (right, I mean, left, no right!!AGH!). I love that it points out helpful things for dealing with pregnancy ailments (e.g. this stretch will help with digestion) and for future labor (e.g. this will help to relax and open the birth canal). You can pick your own pace and don't have to do every position the whole way, start where you feel comfortable. And the other thing I'm really loving is practice breathing, because I know this will benefit me in labor. You can't just say, "yea, when I'm labor, I'll breathe through contractions." I really need to practice to get my breathing discipline up. And then, the practice ends in relaxation. This is totally my kind of exercise. I can do it, I don't have to be perfect, I'm not sore, and it feels great!

On my dvd there's a relaxing practice and an energizing practice. I've been doing the relaxing one every evening, but I wanted to do the energizing one in the morning, which is a little easier said than done with toddler around. Some mornings he's at school, which is fine, but the other day, when he was home, I thought I'd see how far I could get. Ellis was hilarious! He plopped down right on the floor next to me and started doing it, too!!! I wasn't getting much focus in because of laughing so hard. There is nothing like seeing him whip off his shoes and socks, clasp his dimpled hands around his cute bare feet, and wiggle his bum trying to do the butterfly pose. We got about half-way through the practice before he gave up and started climbing all over me. I don't know if he thought we were doing a way-more-fun version of Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes or what.

Posted by at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This week has not been in a shining point in my career of motherhood. My 2 1/2yo is developing a particular kind of relationship with stores that doesn't enable typical adult shopping. I'm either going to never take him shopping again, or strap him to my person next time there's something we absolutely need.

Hubby's schedule has changed gloriously. We now have evenings together. He works early in the morning at his first job and then comes home for the rest of the day for his new work at home job. He has a little spot sequestered from the rest of the apartment where he goes to work at his computer. It's nice that it's not far. He shares his computer programming delights and woes over lunch, and I just smile and nod, barely understanding as foreign computer words fly by me. He's home in the evenings. We've eaten dinner together as a family every night. This has been a rare occurrence until now. I've actually planned menus for the week. This is my third week in a row. You don't know what a miracle this is. Since I got pregnant frozen pizza was pretty awesome there for quite awhile. I go shopping at Trader Joe's while E is in school. I feel like leaping from aisle to aisle singing a Broadway tune about how I'm out all by myself.

E really is very sweet. He's growing so fast and changing so much. I can't imagine what's going on in his head. I've had some interesting exchanges with him this week, language-wise, we might not have had a few weeks ago, in sign, speaking is much too rudimentary yet, whatever. I think he's grown 6 or 7 inches in the past 2-3 months. I'm packing away the 2T clothes. It seems unreal. It's hard to feel him out, where is he a big boy? where does he not understand yet? My brain is foggy, I can barely formulate what to do. Just stop a minute and let mommy think, here have a cookie. What? you won't eat cookies either? fine. Have a Swedish meatball.

And I'm pregnant and tired. I'm not one of those people who loves being pregnant. i've had a really bad attitude about it lately. I just want to hibernate, but I can't. My body hurts like it never did with E. I sleep less and in awkward positions thanks to my growing boy's occasional insomnia--which, for the most part, seems to be abating, only one night this week so far. I bought a prenatal yoga DVD. It arrived this week, and I did the stretches and relaxing practice last night, and it felt so good. Any exercise practice that closes with my lying down on a pillow is an A+ in my book.

Coffee and I are good friends again. There was a point when the first trimester estranged us a little and then we eyed each other suspiciously. I took tea out a couple of times, but in the end coffee and I made up. The other night I made C's coffee for him and set the timer so that he would wake up to fresh coffee. I didn't even notice the karafe wasn't there. (We have a truly awesome coffee maker) We woke up to a puddle of coffee on the floor. It wasn't a tragic mess or anything; one can't really cry over spilled coffee. Like I said, pregnancy and I just don't always get each other.

Posted by at 9:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

I'm coming up on 19 weeks this week. Definitely starting to feel it a bit. I don't mind this part so much. Look pregnant enough not to look fat, but don't feel quite the bulk as the end. The one time in life a woman can show off her round belly.

I took this pic in Photobooth. So couldn't find a good angle that included head and belly. Oh well, you know what i look like.

Posted by at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Becoming a parent is, um...well, "difficult" would be an understatement. From carrying a child, to labor, to breastfeeding, to sleep deprivation, to mobility, to meltdowns. Wow, we haven't even made it three years in our parenting journey and I'm ready for the nap of the century.

There is one thing I'm glad I didn't do much of at first and, and at the same time, that wish I had done more of. Ah, the crazy world of parenting literature. I'm glad I let common sense and my God-given mothering instincts guide me in the first few months of my baby's life. I'm glad a few choice books came across my path. I'm glad I was cautious about them. But as my wonderful, crazy toddler grows at alarming rates physically, emotionally, educationally, etc. I find my resources taxed and looking for more.

Two just became Two and a Half in our house. I won't say every moment is a picnic, but I refuse to believe in the Terrible Twos. The Two's aren't terrible. They are a wonderful time of learning. A lot is happening to my little guy's world. He's doing more, understanding more, expressing more. He understands enough of his world to know that something should be in place, but not enough to see a slightly bigger picture. (Like he doesn't understand why we don't get the snowy, wet cart from the outdoor shopping cart corral thing-y and cries and points to it all the way to inside the store, where I show him that indeed Mom did not forget the shopping cart.) He has a lot of meltdowns, because he's grown just that much more but not quite to the next step of logic. He also needs to be given more outlets to be creative and to explore in his ever-expanding world. It's exhausting.

But things go best when I get off my butt and make things happen for him (which, I gotta say, is considerably more difficult when one is pregnant and sleep-deprived thanks to said pregnancy)--and pray for grace to love my child.

I've also found considerable encouragement from other mamas who also have two year olds who throw fits.

We’re not pitted against eachother—there is no battle of the wills, where I must be ever on gaurd from this evil two year old tyrant who wants to take me down. He’s just a little two year old who’s learning the ropes of life, severely handicapped by a two year old brain incapable of adult level reasoning or why we only watch movie’s at certain times, not to mention a two year old body incapable of performing most basic functions, including running without tripping on his face.

There’s a lot going on in that little person’s world. I’m bigger. I have the power. This is a lot of responsibility! It’s up to me how I use it—-for him, or for me. Jesus talked about those who have power, about what they should do with it. Something about being the servant of all…

Seems to me that’s what Proverbs 13:24 is saying, that if I love the little squirt, I’ll put down what I’m doing when he needs me, that I’ll use my power to guide him, just like the shepherd gets up off the grass and guides his sheep back in when they start wandering out of his sight. He’s not beating them, he’s guiding them. I’m guiding my kid when I say,

“Sorry, little dude, no movie. But come here—come sit with Mommy.”

I put down my dishes and my plans for the moment and I make the time to sit and comfort a kid who’s learning that life doesn’t always give him what he wants. We’re on the same team, he and I, and I like it so much better this way.

Molly is a blogger I met through a mothering forum. I just wanted to point out her series on parenting and grace. Mostly reflections, ponderings, working through things out loud. She's also invited some guest bloggers. We come from different backgrounds, socially and theologically, but I really appreciate her thoughts and perspectives as a mother of five. They are refreshing to me as a new parent, especially as a new parent who desires more than anything to show Christ to my covenant child.

Posted by at 11:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

That's all I'm gonna say.

Posted by at 8:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Lately Ellis has been asking to watch his train movie. Except for one minor detail: he doesn't have a train movie, has never seen a train movie, and I have no idea what he's talking about, if not the 2 seconds Lightening McQueen almost collides with a freight train.

Today I did something about it. Thanks to Flickr and wonderful pictures of trains I downloaded. Thanks to iPhoto that quickly and conveniently allowed to dump all the pictures into a quick and easy slideshow complete with soundtrack (Coltrane's Favorite Things). Thanks to iDVD that allowed me to make a nice little DVD of this slideshow.

Ellis now has a train movie.

Posted by at 6:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Today could otherwise be titled Operation To Not Lose It. You moms know it well. It's a "just keep swimming" kind of day. The kind of day when you dream with a kind of maniacal longing of those pre-kid days when you could sleep in on Saturday morning.

Park day was rained out, so we ran errands. In order to survive this kind of day, I strive to Make It Fun. If I can keep it fun, I have a better chance of controlling the hormones that would lash out at my near and dear. We got some clothes for E at the Old Navy baby and kids sale. Grabbed a few groceries at Whole Foods. And stopped off at Target, where we split a small popcorn. See, the popcorn was the Fun thing.

At home, we did our Fun window decal craft. Just keep doing, doing. The major crafting days I have with Ellis are the days I'm trying to fill.

I very nearly lost it when pleasant playing at the kitchen sink while I was cooking turned into a Dump Water all Over the Kitchen Counter Fest. He didn't mean to. He was trying to pour it into a cup that was much easier for him to keep stationary up on the counter than down in the sink. The fact that was really fun playing with the water on the counter was just an added bonus.

My last craft effort of the day was Spatula Puppets. I taped faces onto rubber spatulas and tied scarves on their necks. Ellis LOVED them! He liked it best when there was one for each hand. But, alas, that had only limited capital. (BTW, puppet idea came from this week's issue of Kids Craft Weekly. Highly recommend this site!)

If you walk up to the local train station between 5.40 and 6.10, you can see at least four trains come in. Ellis loved it. He squealed like crazy, waving madly at all the trains. We walked over to Friendly's to get a sanity ice cream cone. No more trains. They've slowed down for the evening.

As he stepped out of his bath I thought, what a big boy, as he dried himself off, then a split second later I thought, my baby, when I picked him up and he nuzzled his face into my neck.

Posted by at 8:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I made a new sling today. My first one I gave to a friend. The second one wasn't really working out, and was a little on the too small side. So I whipped up Cozy Purple this afternoon. My very tired boy fell asleep within 2 minutes. I am about ready to hyperventhilate on how amazingly adorable he is.

Posted by at 6:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I wanted to highlight another blog (mothering, crafting, etc) that has had some good posts lately: angry chicken.

She writes of healthy toy alternatives that cheap, mass-produced, plastic, toxic badness that has now surfaced with all the toy recalls. (I don't think we have any toys that are affected by the recalls.) She also writes of purging plastic in general.

And she recently published a tantalizing book: Bend the Rules Sewing *ahem, gift, ahem*

Anyway, in her toy post, she gives some great ideas of toys you can make with your kids at home. My favorite, by far: the aunt sarah dolls. I love it!!

Posted by at 12:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Today, despite my tiredness--and E's for that matter, I feel like I really pulled some great parenting guns. First of all, we didn't go anywhere. I get to midafternoon, and then I just can't take it anymore, so we go somewhere, ANYwhere. It takes a lot of perseverance to get through that time without going anywhere. I'm glad we didn't, though, because Ellis is getting some bad diaper rash and a touch of diarrhea from the antibiotic they gave him after surgery (Cednifir, I think preemptive against an ear infection). I gotta tell you, the best cure for diaper rash is going commando for awhile, but that becomes somewhat difficult when diarrhea is involved...'nough said. I only mention it, because seriously, a bare bum is a better bum.

Okay, back to topic. So this is what we did today:
* really cleaned and vacuumed E's room
* made paper birds to hang from his huge green Ikea leaf that canopies his bed
* got a very grumpy E to sleep for a nap
* play cars
* hung new paper birds since the glue dried during nap (they're really cute)
* played ball outside for about 15 mins with Aunty Lu, but it was REALLY hot today
* put a blanket on kitchen floor and put three large containers of water on it, drip a little food coloring in each tub and provide measuring cups, colander, and baster--worth 30 mins of toddler fun right there
* played "teddy bear"
* introduced him to his new Memory Game. (right now we just notice that two cards match)
* played Playdoh
* ate an awesome dinner; he ate really well and got an ice cream cone for dessert
* played in the bath
* watched a little Toy Story 2 ("You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.")
* read books
* went to sleep calmly

and there was a fair amount of playing cars all interspersed in there...

Meanwhile, I was on the phone trying to straighten out an Early Intervention snaffu. We get our services from Pennsylvania School for the Deaf contracted with our county, but there has been some problem with PSD and my county and the contract. I think it's mostly resolved, but the speech therapist we need to add to our plan only works during the school year. So I was trying to get a therapist to start immediately, since Ellis just got his CI. Well, my early intervention coordinator didn't understand the difference between Teacher of the Deaf, Deaf Mentor (the two people who already come), and SPEECH THERAPIST! Seriously!! So she transferred ALL my services to this one place in my county that I do NOT want to go, but wanted to get a speech therapist from temporarily. I had to explain to her that a speech therapist was an entirely different person. Ugh!! Don't these people educate themselves on basic services for the variety of needs. I mean it's not like being deaf is some obscure thing. Grr. I think it's pretty much straightened out by now. But still, so annoying.

Posted by at 10:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I decided to go get a physical. I couldn't remember the last one I had. I think it was when I was 14 or 15 and needed to get a work permit to get a summer job.

So I had a physical. And my first cholesterol test. You'll be happy to know that I have excellent cholesterol. I know you are so relieved!

Posted by at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Is he signing HORSE? I don't know. Or maybe making the Uncle Sam Silly Face.

So, yea, the sling works great in the back carry, too. Today I tried it out in the city. I walked the three blocks from his school to the most Fab Fabric Store Ever, and pulled a nice little load of fabric for like next to nothing. Fabric at this store is truly a great deal. As I figure out this sewing thing, I'm sure I can save a lot and actually end up with stuff that I like better. Anyway, it's in the car at the moment otherwise I'd show you what I got.

So it was no problem walking to the store, shopping for a short bit, and walking back. Which means, I'll probably carry Ellis in the sling the next time we got to the hospital (june 13). He'll be having a CT scan then, which means sedation, which means a wonky kid. quelle joie

Posted by at 2:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I finished the sling last night. I took in about an inch and a half, and it made such a huge difference. All the hems are hemmed and seams reinforced. It's actually really comfortable. The weight is distributed nicely across my shoulder. I can't go hiking in it or anything, but it's great for around the house or tricky errands. I don't need my hands at all, so I can do things like cook dinner without a whiny, tired toddler dying to be held (because he IS being held and is very happy to behold the glory of the work of mom's hand). I'm really happy with it and wish I had made the leap sooner. I just had to get the mental barrier of my thesis out of the way.

Posted by at 2:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

(via Keri)

The first FLUSHABLE diaper!!! It's the enviro-friendliness of cloth with the convenience of disposable. The g diaper. It's a flushable insert into a diaper liner.

I have to confess, that after all my research and motivation, I ended up using disposable, and I'm not happy about it. The convenience factor is high, but the smelly pail (yuck!) and landfills (more yuck!)? The primary reason is that I don't have laundry facilities. When Ellis was born we were living with family, and I didn't feel right taxing their utilities more than we had to. Now, we still do laundry there. And it's a major pain to haul over. I can't imagine throwing diapers into the laundry cycle.

I like the idea of the g diaper because it eliminates some of the dependence on laundry facilities (which everybody doesn't have...especially urban dwellers).

On the other hand, you have to pay more for g diapers. $15 for the pants, $5 for snap in liner, and $52 for a case of 160 small or 128 med/lg flushable inserts. *sigh*

When you're counting pennies, I'd rather spend the little extra for hormone free food for my kid, rather than flushable diapers. If it were an afforadable option, I'd totally look into it.

Posted by at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

A new documentary coming this year. (via lynn) I'm definitely going to see this one.

Posted by at 2:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Valentine's Day dawned wintry and blizzardy. Sleety snow misted around us, and a chilly wind found the spot between my scarf and coat collar. At 7.30 am I was trudging through snow in inadequate (yet my sturdiest) shoes with the umbrella stroller strapped to my bookbag and a heavy Ellis in my arms, awkwardness compounded by the fact that he was wearing a million layers and a very puffy coat (in fact, we just call the coat "Puffy", as in "let's put Puffy on; we're going outside"). We met up with my MIL who had valiantly slid her way over to our train station, and took the express train to CHOP (the children's hospital of philadelphia) for Ellis's appointment. Last May I had called to make the appt and was put on the waiting list. In Oct they called me with a scheduled appointment for today. There was no way a little snow was going to stop me. We had an appointment with the geneticist to, hopefully, find out why he's deaf.

When meeting with a genetics specialist was first presented to us as an option, we didn't think too much about it. For one, we didn't mind that Ellis is deaf, and two, we don't mind if we have more deaf children. But since there weren't obvious reasons for his congenital deafness, such as, family history or illness, we were advised to go ahead with one to rule out any other possible problems that may accompany hearing loss, which seemed reasonable enough, and insurance covered it.

This was a stressful appointment for me. Probably more stressful than the MRI last June with its sedation and scariness. First I had to gather all his medical records from in utero on, which meant a lot of time on the phone and trying to get faxes done. And I find it difficult to spend that kind of time doing serious paperwork, because I don't have it! (the time, that is). And I was worried that I would do something wrong and they wouldn't have the right information, which is kind of silly, but nevertheless, I was kind of stressed about it.

Then there was getting to the appointment, which had us moving a little earlier in the morning than usual; so I was on edge to get us out of the door on time. I wasn't too worried about the snow until I was actually in it and all of a sudden realized that I don't have snow boots and hadn't occurred to get any, since I've been living in the South for the past 10 years and forgot what winter can really be like and oh no! my feet are wet and cold. I knew the train would be running, so all I had to was get to it.

Then the actual appointment. I didn't know what it would be like or what they would do in order to have a genetic evaluation, which seemed so tantalizing exotic. They did a brief physical examination of Ellis. Took our family medical history, for which I was especially grateful to have my MIL there for so that she could account more fully than I know for Chris's side. It's amazing what they were able to tell from that. With Ellis's physical evaluation, they were able to rule out with a degree of certainty any syndromic cause, which comes with a package of other problems. But then they needed blood and urine to do the actual genetic analysis.

Yea. Blood and urine from a 20 month old. The blood part was short, traumatic, over, and soothed with cool stickers. Very scary to see the tiny needle in my boy's arm, but he was a trooper. Then a urine sample. So how do they that? They give you a sack with adhesive around it, and you stick it to the baby's bum in such a way that they will pee into the sack. Sound like fun? Yea, that's what we thought, too.

I had given him a sippy cup and juice box, so I knew he was ready. But I think it was too weird for him. I felt bad, because I knew that it must be dreadfully uncomfortable, so I took it off and let him play free on the examination table, cup handy. Well, he wanted to play with the cup, and I was stupid and let him. So by the time he started peeing, I couldn't grab the cup in time, and there was pee all over the table, and he walking in it in his sock feet. And, of course, I don't happen to have an extra pair of socks with me. At this point, I was about ready to lose it. Between exhaustion and the need for lunch, I was shaking and desperately wanted this to be over. My MIL came to the rescue. She went back and got another sack and another cup. I put the sack on a little more comfortably, put a diaper on over it, hoping it would feel a little more normal down there, and took his socks off. We went down to the cafeteria for lunch, and I cuddled a very sleepy Ellis and gave him another juice box, hoping he would relax enough to pee.

Down in the cafeteria, we bumped into another family we know from PSD whose daughter is in Ellis's class. She was there for an ENT appointment. Polite begging obtained us a loaner pair of socks; thankfully, they had come prepared. After awhile, I took Ellis to the restroom to check our progress. Bingo! The restroom didn't have a changing table, so I just had him stand there while I took of his diaper and pee sack. I needed to put some it in the sample cup right away, because it was an open sack of hard-earned pee that I didn't want to lose. So I quick set about doing that, and Ellis is standing there with his fleecy pants down by his ankles, and wouldn't you know it, he pees again, all over his pants, which thankfully were absorbent enough to protect the borrowed socks. Well, I did have an extra pair of pants.

So to shorten the story, as I'm sure you're all absolutely riveted by my child's bodily functions, he's cleaned up, the sample is delivered (and I run to more friends from PSD), and we head home. Poor baby was so tired and actually fell asleep on my shoulder on the train, and didn't even wake up when I put him in the carseat in my MIL's car at the station.

It was still snowing and the road's weren't great, but driving into our driveway with a slight incline at its entrance, my MIL spun her wheels and couldn't really get up. There was a lot of yucky slush. Well, I was afraid that the slush would freeze and that Chris wouldn't make it into the driveway when he got home frome work later in the evening. So I go put on his boots and shovel that entrance to our parking lot. Well, I shoveled for quite some time, made enough progress for my MIL to get up and into it, but I didn't deal with all the slush. It was incredibly difficult, because the slush it very heavy. And I'm paying for it today with a very sore back (love sitting up against our radiators!) and legs and knees. And then all my work was for naught anyway, because it still kept snowing and it was covered again, and then around 9.30 pm someone came with a snow plow and plowed our driveway. Yea, I felt like a loser.

So, it wasn't the best day ever, but there were a lot of things that made it better. I was really glad for my MIL's help and company. I don't know why it stressed me out so much. I think this whole appt was kind of focal point for me to channel other stressors in my life. Since I got home and settled I've been crying. I'm so exhausted (so go to bed, why don't you, instead of writing mega, super blog entry). I cried myself to sleep last night. And I cried all evening tonight. Poor Ellis. At least he thought it was hilarious every time I blew my nose.

We did manage to celebrate Val Day a bit today at a party at a church friend's house. Ellis and I were both a bit tired to really get into it, though. But we have a busy weekend ahead. And with the aid of some nice tea and some incredible Lindt chocolate a friend brought from Switzerland, I think I'm set to sleep...for a little while, until somebody decides he wants company (somebody short and cute and who shall remain nameless).

Posted by at 11:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I've been working a lot on Ellis's room. Making it a wonderful place to be. A toddler paradise. Not just a boring bedroom. Thanks to Ikea solutions, a lot of it is coming together. I'll post pictures when I'm further along.

I've been enjoying looking at websites and getting ideas or just looking a pretty, fun, and funky children's decor. I came across this website/blog last night: Apartment Therapy: The Nursery. There are a lot of neat things to look at/ideas. Usually they are WAY expensive; so I just look at it and think about what I can do with my sewing machine or whatnot.

One thing I have notice throughout a lot of my perusing is the dearth of books in children's rooms! Sure their rooms are neat and spare and uncluttered looking, but there are no bookshelves. No books. None. Anywhere. It's unusual to find a child's room featured in children's decor circles that have book shelves.

Maybe I'm missing something. Like maybe the child has their own library. But somehow I don't think so. Does anyone else see this as a problem? As a parent we're setting patterns for life for the kids, isn't that supposed to include reading?

Posted by at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

You know, I don't really follow one "method" of parenting. I do things that make sense and work for our family. I don't feel too strongly about most things (except like breastfeeding and unnecessary Csections), letting other parents figure out what works for them.

One of the things that did not work for me was the portable infant car seat (aka The Bucket). As a car seat, it was great. It was also nice in the winter to be able to bundle baby up indoors and just snap him in the base in the car. But I never had a "travel system" (the nomenclature still sends chills...a SYSTEM!? eek!). In fact, I never really used the stroller until around 8 or 9 months and then only sometimes. I found this article on Mothering mag's website (which sparked this whole post) and resonated with the car seat sentiments. E was a bright, inquisitive guy from Day One when he had the entire hospital room visually explored in his big blue eyes. I didn't want to keep him staring at the sky in his carseat when he could be peeping out the top of the Bjorn with those irresistable eyes. Besides, I couldn't stand carrying the durn thing.

For child portation, I used the Bjorn or just carried him, then I used a backpack carrier, then Jonesy's Snugli (which I need to give back btw), and now...what? A stroller. I still hate it. It's a pain. But we're sort of in a weird in between stage. I did buy an umbrella stroller at the thrift store the other day (and a cool toy double decker bus that E found and looks like it could be rolling down the London streets). It's fine. Easier to use when hoppin around trains. When I don't care which direction I'm going or how fast I get there, I keep him attached to me via a handy little harness and leash. It gives him freedom and me sanity. But you know what, sometimes I still wish I had a carrier.

For our next baby (which, for the record, is NOT currently being "tried for" nor plans to be any time in the near future; since some have asked...), I'm definitely going to get a sling; since, after having a baby, I could see how it works. But what do you do for the toddler? I asked a friend about the Ergo carrier, but she said it didn't work as well for her shortish stature (which is the same height as me 5'2"). Anyway. I think I'm running out of time to make any big carrier purchases, but since I realize that I'm a carrier-mama, I want to figure out what's out there, so I'm ready next time. (Which ultimately leads to the point of the post: collective internet wisdom) Any suggestions? What's been good? What's worked for the 20-40lb crowd?

Posted by at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Caveat: Only a Parent could appreciate another post on vomit, so if you're not a parent, don't feel obligated to stick around.

So anyway, since the Hot Dog Incident last week, wherein Ellis barfed once, and seemingly regurgitated the entire hot dog in one go, he's seemed pretty fine. His appetite has been pretty low and his regularly scheduled poo (that kid is regular as a clock) was more runny/diarrhea-like, but other than that no fussy or acting sick or anything. Seemingly normal. I have been a little worried about the diarrhea, but since it's no more than once a day maybe twice (just like his normal schedule), I'm not freaking out too much. I also have been worried that his appetite is so low, but it seemed to be getting better.

So then I wondered if his Bout with Barf had upset him just a little to give him temporary lactose intolerance, which may come with diarrhea. Because he's practically been living on milk this past week. So maybe that was counter-productive. So today we bundled up (it is frigid out there!) and I got him a few dairy free treats and some soy milk, hoping that abstinence will make him feel a little better.

We got home and munched happily on some pretzels and juice. We went to Ikea, but he mostly played with his dinner, but sometimes he does that, because it's a fun place. Besides he had just eaten a bunch of pretzels. He had a blast at Ikea, running around the store, playing games with us, opening and closing showroom kitchen cupboards, and laughing and laughing. In other words, not acting sick.

It was definitely his bedtime when we got home, so he was tired and fussy. Then the moment of reckoning, soymilk time. I had gotten a quart of regular and of vanilla, hoping he would like at least one of them. We tried regular. He drank a little and then pushed it away, giving us a that has got to be the grossest thing I've ever drunk face. So we tried vanilla. Again, rejection. Also followed by gagging, spluttering, and coughing...which persisted until he royally vomited. All over Me. All over him. All over the floor.

After getting cleaned up, he seemed fine, and fell asleep. So this is the question: is he sick? or did the soymilk gag him unto vomit? Well, I don't know, but I think it's the latter. He's not acting sick. I still won't give him milk. It's White Grape Juice, for you, pal.

I do feel a little upset, because I don't know entirely what's ailling him. It doesn't appear to be serious. He's rarely sick. Or dehydrated. I don't know? I also feel kind of bad, because I think if I were still breastfeeding, it would be less of a problem, so I feel a little guilty. I had always intended to longer than I did (16 mos). I just sort of stopped. But I guess at some point, even if I had b'fed longer, he would get sick and not have the breast milk. But then, on the other hand, maybe if I had gone longer and he had gotten to that point where he was sick anyway, he could at least tell me what's wrong. I know it's not something to take myself on a guilt trip over. But I still can't help feeling bad. Poor little guy.

Good grief, it's COLD outside!

Posted by at 11:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I'm in the middle of another post on academic angst, but first I have to interrupt with this breaking news. We have another first in the life of Ellis: Vomiting! Poor kid, we were out shopping with our friends this evening. He had a hot dog at Costco. We came home, got ready for bed, everything seemed fine, except that he was pushing his milk away, which is like unheard of, and then the Volcano of Undigested Hot Dog!

We were all stunned. All three of sat there for a couple of seconds; Ellis no doubt thinking "what just happened?" and we are thinking "what do we do with all this barf?" I have officially been barfed upon for the first time.

He seems fine now. I'm hoping it was just the hot dog (and that we do not infect anyone with a potential bug).

Anyway. Just thought you'd like to know.

NEXT AFTERNOON UPDATE: I think it was the hot dog. He seems okay; no future incidents, though he won't eat, but wants to drink milk, so I take that as a good sign. He's a little sniffly, too, which may have something to do with the eating thing.

Posted by at 10:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

(Thanks, Keri , for the heads-up about this.)

You know how when you're in an airport in a foreign country, and you're thrilled to find little pictures of things you need, like restrooms, eating, etc. Mothering Magazine had a contest to design such a logo for breastfeeding mothers. It will be an icon to display in any public place to say that "here is a place where you can feed your baby." Whether it be a special place with chairs (and outlet for the pumps) or just to say that "breastfeeding is welcome here."

A Deaf man and father won the contest with the above graphic. I think it's kind of sweet.

In addition to benefitting nursing mothers, I hope this symbol will infiltrate the public's consciousness about breastfeeding. I've had no problems with breastfeeding in public or on airplanes, but I know many people have.

Posted by at 3:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I can hear Ellis's steady breathing of slumber coming over the baby monitor. He's turning into such a big kid. He's a toddler. Each day he's more of a kid and less of a baby. I'm almost embarrassed to admit, but I'm kind of sad. I mean, I'm glad, definitely, but a little sad, too. That was a special time.

I think he's weaned, too. It's been a couple of weeks now. At 15 months he was still nursing a few times over a 24 hr period, and then somehow we got down to just in the morning when he got up. And then one morning we had to go somewhere quickly, so I rushed our routine and skipped the nursing and handed him a milk bottle. And the next morning, I just thought, "I'm done." And I haven't nursed since. I think if the opportunity presented itself, he'd take it, but he's perfectly happy with the bottle/cup, too. I didn't feel anything when I stopped nursing, no fullness, no pain. So I guess we truly weaned. I feel a little guilty. Sixteen months of nursing is good, but there's part of me that says that i should've gone to 18 or 20 or two years. I'm glad to be done, but at the same time, I'm a little sad.

We've had a busy weekend. A church event last night, worship today. I volunteered for Nursery Duty last night and then realized I was scheduled for Duty tonight. I've spent a lot of time in the nursery negotiating social relations of the Under Two Crowd. Is it any wonder I have a headache? Sharing is an abstract concept. It requires you to think beyond yourself. The Under Two's are just beginning to think; how much more is it to think beyond oneself? It's hard with Ellis being deaf, too. I can't call to him across the room, "Don't take!!" It's a social situation that requires immediate attention, because the offense is so quickly forgotten. It's hard explaining to him not to take, because inevitably I take the pilfered toy from him. He looks at me without understanding as I try to explain to him to give. How much more is Give Back? Ellis climbed on top of the toy kitchen in the church nursery. In addition to sharing, I hop around the nursery teaching him to sit when encountering a chair and not to climb (skills we are also working on at home).

I've also expended a lot of energy of late negotiating my own social relations. People who I don't know well. People who are not Like Me. People with whom I would like to spend more time. My baby is becoming a toddler; how I mother him changes. My husband works a bazillion of insane hours; how we maintain a relationship changes.

And recently, I feel like I've spent a lot of mental energy negotiating my own self relations. I've felt really stupid for a lot of this past week. And it's hard to explain why (beyond hormones). It's like I'm walking down the street, feeling like I should be walking down the street. And then I glimpse my reflection in a window that I pass, and I feel exposed like I'm on the wrong street and everyone else knows it. Feelings of inadequacy? isolation?

I'm exhausted. Hopefully, I will not spend part of tonight on the floor of Ellis's room.

Posted by at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Kristen does not disappoint. Go check out her posts this week on This Classical Life.

First up: Why World Breastfeeding Week?

more links at Tulip Girl

My contribution?
Do it!!!!

I'm not too bothered about b'feeding in public. I've never gotten any flack about it, though, thankfully. I guess that says more about my neck of the woods.

Probably one of my favorite memories of breastfeeding in public was last November at Major Academic Conference. I sat in the lounge area of the women's restroom (comfy spot) with other academic moms, and one joked, "This is beginning to feel more like La Leche League than [Major Academic Conferece]." One woman passing through said, "Oh just sit in the back of papers and breastfeed, nobody will mind! I did it two years ago." Not sure if I'd go that far.

Anyway,

Ellis still nurses 6-8 times over a 24 hr period. Not really sure how long we'll go. He's definitely not ready to stop.

Posted by at 7:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So my first Mother's Day was very nice. I must say, Ellis really outdid himself.

First of all, we celebrated on Saturday, since we have church on Sunday. Chris and Ellis camped out in the other room the night before so that I could get some decent rest. Then they brought me breakfast in bed--pancakes made from scratch topped with fresh strawberries--and a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Then I went to a thing at church for lunch, and while I was gone, the boys did all the chores!

Then in the evening, we rode the train to center city to shop for interview clothes for Chris (hello, career change...ugh). Afterwards we went out for a slice of pizza and then hung out at Borders before coming home.

It was a lovely spring day, and I so enjoyed my little family! :-)

Posted by at 10:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Every time I make a new installment of sweet potatoes, I think the jars all lined up are so pretty. Two humongus organic sweet potatoes, cooked in chicken/vegetable broth, seasoned with freshly grated nutmeg, cinnamon, and paprika, and pureed.

The jars are from Ikea. Perfect baby food jars. 5 oz glass jars with screw-on lids. I fill them not quite full and stick the whole jar in the freezer; avoiding the ice-cube tray hassle.

Posted by at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Snowy days mean hot chocolate--dissolving Cadbury's cocoa powder into hot milk in a pot and a dram of Bailey's Irish Cream (or Kahlua, depending on what you have on hand). As I finish my cocoa, I'll write one more quick post.

So the sleep saga continues. I know I should've heeded advice a lot sooner, the holidays and all... anyway, I finally got my copy of The No-Cry Sleep Solution in the mail yesterday, and I devoured its entirety in practically one sitting. I appreciated the methodical way she encourages helping your baby learn how to go to sleep. I've never been a fan of crying-it-out, and I appreciate the book's thoughtful response towards that approach. If that's what you want to do as parents, that's fine, but we don't buy into it for Ellis. For one thing, I don't think it really teaches the kid how to go to sleep. Dumping him in the bed and expecting to all of a sudden figure it out doesn't seem to make much sense to me. Some kids are good sleepers and will go to sleep that way, but others, like Ellis, don't. (And I don't think his crying in the bed is a form of "rebellion" either. At best it's confusion and worst fear.) So the book outlines helpful methods of learning how to read your kid and to help him to learn how to sleep with less and less dependency on external objects like mom. It's a little more gradual than the crying-it-out process, but I'd like to the think the rewards are worth it: easy putting to bed, sleeping through the night, and pleasant associations with sleep, which, hopefully, will have life-long rewards.

One thing the book made me realize is how much progress we have made! The common sense and anecdotes I've implemented thus far have paid off some! Unfortunately with the holidays and all, I got a bit off track. Hopefully, the organization this book provides will help me go the next mile. Three months ago, he would scream for hours, while we were holding him!, at night, then he was going to bed at all manners of lateness (thank you, holidays), now he has an established bedtime routine that may or may not include nursing, going to bed usually around 7/7:30, and he goes to sleep and stays there for awhile.

Now he wakes up every three hours, if I nurse him he'll settle back down. But, uh, he's almost 8 months old, and I think he can manage going a bit longer between feedings. And I'm exhausted and often an unpleasant person to be around. But, what do I do? Here, he's been enjoying these comforting nighttime nuzzles every three hours, do I cut him off cold turkey, as someone suggested? Well, if someone did that to me, I'd be pretty, stinking mad, and I'm a rational adult. So my plan is to cut back gradually, he doesn't nurse to sleep; he pulls off and settles back down when he's done eating, but he won't go back to sleep without nursing. I'll nurse him every other time he wakes up. It takes him a lot longer and crying to get back to happy sleep when I'm just rocking him, but he'll get there eventually. Sometimes Daddy, who doesn't smell like dinner, can rock him. But sometimes that doesn't work, sometimes he wants Mommy and that's all there is to it (and I'm like, dude, kid, you can't choose your parent! but that's for another day). So this is my plan, but the problem is is that I'm so tired that for the past few nights, I don't remember getting up and getting him up. I just realize all of a sudden that he's in our bed and I've been nursing him.

The other part of the plan is to get him to fall asleep in his bed without rocking him to sleep (or more like swaying, standing by his bed). We were actually making quite a bit of progress in this area. I don't know what happened (probably those stinkin' holidays). We go through elaborate routine with all his sleeping signals and then place him in his bed, usually holding him down (to keep from wiggling) and patting his back until he falls asleep. This was going quite well, with his falling asleep pretty quickly after our putting him down, but for some reason (maybe the couple of colds he had), we're back to the sway routine.

And the other big thing to deal with is naps. Sometimes he sleeps for 30 mins and that's it. And that is not enough. He needs to be taking about two hour-and-a-half to two hour naps a day. I'm lucky if I can get one 30 min and one 1 1/2 hr naps a day. And like the book said, better naps mean better nights. This is going to require a bit more thought on the strategy side.

So this whole, long elaborate post is to say is that I'm ready to get organized about this sleeping thing. It's survival at this point.

Posted by at 11:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)