I'm having kind of a bum day. We've been having really terrific days, so I suppose I'm due one.
Ellis has been doing really well sleeping. As much as I enjoying having my baby close, when it comes down to it, I do not really like co-sleeping, because I don't sleep great, and I can't wiggle around to find a comfy spot, and the bed we're sleeping in isn't big enough for three. (Our stuff arrives from New Orleans this coming weekend woohoo!!) So I took the tummy-sleeping confessional to heart and put him on his tummy. Quelle surprise! he likes it. So I put him back in the packnplay, and he began sleeping from 12-4 and 4-7/8 am. Go Ellis!!! Life has been fantabulous! I have felt full of vim and vigor. I've cooked nice meals, cleaned scary corners, and read a new Amazon arrival on medieval theology.
But then last night I thought, hey, I can't go around putting my baby to bed at midnight! what kind of habits will he get!? I don't want to all of a sudden find ourselves in a bedtime rut. It's early to bed now while we're still ahead! So yesterday evening, we came home from church, and I fed him and put him to bed by 9. After minimal fussing (remedied by someone running to put the pacifier back in), he went to sleep. He woke up at 1.30 and then again at 5.30. But I still went to bed at midnight, because we had people over. The clincher is this: he wasn't tired anymore at 5.30.
For some reason, I just couldn't snap awake...all day. I've just felt barely alive, and weirdly disconnected from Ellis. I feel like his cries are far off yet right there. This is the first time I've just felt so blah about taking care of the baby. I hate feeling this way. I look at him, and he's so completely dependent on me, my sweet, little boy. He really is the cutest thing in the world. I'm so not going to stay up until midnight tonight. We really have been doing well, so I think it's just my tiredness today.
I'm enjoying our "new" church more. We had visited this other one that was smaller, more urban and were excited about the possibility of contributing to it, but there are a few things about it at this moment in time that we're not quite sure about. For one thing, they're looking for a new pastor. Now, on the one hand, we'd like to be the type of people that wouldn't be swayed finding a church in such a weak time. We'd love to just jump right in and be a help. But, on the other hand, they've had a lot of applications, and well-qualified, gung-ho candidates. And we've heard a few things about the pastoral search that have made us raise a few questions. In the meantime, the pulpit supply they had when we visited was just terrible! I don't why they refused the presbytery's offer of stated supply...it seemed kind of, well, un-presbyterian. So I think we'll check it out again when they do decide on someone.
So we're back at the church where C's parents go and where he went when he lived here. Right across the street from Westminster Sem. It's a really big church by OPC standards. But it's a wonderful, loving congregation, and after visiting this other church, I felt so much better about being at this one. It's sort of "back in the bubble" for me, too, but that's ok. In New Orleans, there were absolutely zero connections to my previous life...PCA, Covenant, Cono, which was a little weird since I had never lived without those connections before. But after awhile, I really liked it. I was much more "on my own." Now, though, I'm back. But that's fine, too. There's Cov people at this church, but there's people I hadn't known before, too, who I really like. Like I said, it's a wonderful congregation, and the preaching is always quite good. The community is more theologically vibrant. There's lots of people our age (Seminary helps with that) having babies, too. Ellis has a peer group, which is fun. There's always transitions, though.
I'm so excited because our pastor from New Orleans (our closest friends there who now live in Maine) is going to come baptize Ellis next month. I can't wait to see them again!