May 1
My mood has gradually gotten better all day. May 1 has been the magic day I've been aiming for for the past two weeks. Now I know that the little auxiliary box I've been preparing for the birth center is not in vain. I think that deep in my mind I didn't think I'd actually get to use it. But here is May 1, I'm far enough along to have a birth center birth and not a hospital birth.
A lot of the experience of giving birth is mental. I'm convinced. It's what made E's birth so difficult in a lot of ways. I talked myself out of the fact that I was in labor, despite several glaring signs, so when there it all of a sudden was I had a hard time coping. Yes, it was nice that I didn't have to suffer through the waiting game with E, but I'm not sure if I fared much better for having to deal with all the other stuff surrounding that experience.
Now that I have the experience of childbirth one time it's easier for me to begin to imagine and hope what the next one will be like. And I think it will help me to do so. These past two weeks I've been picturing a hospital birth and imagining scenarios and conversations wherein I was advocating for how I wanted to give birth. I stayed up late one night and wrote a thorough birth plan (which I was kind of proud of in the end). A hospital transfer is not outside the realm of possiblity, but that's different than understanding "if you go into labor on this date, you WILL go to the hospital."
I have reached May 1 and have begun adjusting my mental state all day. Now I can go back to imagining a freer birth, unencumbered by wires, monitors, beds, IVs, and I'm beginning to feel excited again. If we hadn't been thrust on the roller coaster at 34 weeks, I imagine that the past few days might have felt a bit calmer. But we are where we are. And May is a lovely time to have a baby.
And for the record, I'm glad I started baby preparations when I did, even if it's sooner than some people do. Because I sure don't feel like doing anything right now. I'd still rather sit and wait and have it done!
I'm tellin' ya, this baby is just gonna fall out. He is so low! I feel punches in the top of my thigh.
Comments
Your right it is very much a mental process. And I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby so early. YIKES! So I'm glad you're sorta in the clear. I remember with Eden I knew what was happening so much better that I just kept track of contractions and even though I was TIRED and cranky I just kept walking. And I stayed at home for as long as I could stand it. It was nice, and it was all a thought process. Since I labored and gave birth naturally, I was able to talk and question what was happening during and after.
So here's to using your brain to have a baby!
Posted by: katiek | May 2, 2008 08:18 AM
Comments
That birth-plan is great! I have only one question -- why can't you reach out and pick up the baby if you're in a position that you can do it? I ask because when I had Kelvin, the doctor had me pick him up. It was the most precious thing ever, I cherish that moment, and the photo that my mom took it. I was in the hospital, pushing in the bed (no stirrups) and the doctor told me to lean in and bring him up to my chest. awesome.
Than dad cut the cord. Is there a possibility the you could have a water birth or is access to a tub limited by the number of women delivering at the center. You know, one of my dreams in life is watching a birth. I missed my nephew's for twenty minutes... but hopefully someday I'll be able to do it.
Oh, and I'd very much like to see your bump before it's gone. Really. Too bad we're going to Massachusetts and won't be back until Monday night. If he's not here until then, can I get to see you? please :-) I could cook for you guys, but I don't know if you'd be willing to drive/be driven the 15+ miles to our home at this point... Well, I'll get in touch after we come back.
Posted by: Lilian | May 2, 2008 11:11 AM