Moot Thoughts & Musings

You don't have to justify your choices to anyone else. You guys did what you thought is right for your child and as long you are not harming your child, or telling us that this is the ONLY way to succeed in life, IMHO, nobody has the right to criticize your decisions.

But allow me to share a bit here, like you have done here. Personally, I don't have a CI, and never will have one. I was born deaf and have hearing parents. I sign ASL fluently, read and write English fluently. But I am only fluent in those languages because of my parents who learned ASL to communicate with me.

I guess my point here is that you don't need a CI to have language access. There are several ways to acquire language. I'm a living example of that, and so are many others.

I'm sorry things got so ugly on the previous post.

I second A Deaf Pundit!

I have CI myself, but a big ASL supporter and as long as the parents are fully informed - it IS their right to make decisions for their child.

I don't tell parents to go for CI just 'cause I have one...I do share information with them about just being deaf and exposed to Deaf Culture, learning ASL - and if they chose CI, ASL would be an important foundation. I do not even criticize those who chose not to use ASL, but letting them know to contact me if needed to get additional info (never heard back from one parent. Oh well).

I think the Deaf Community can be a great support as well! :D

Anyway...you two are fantastic parents! :D

Oh, and I also want to apologize for how things got ugly on Jeanette's blog!

I haven't read any of the previous posts on this blog. When I read the post by "Dad," I had to respond. I'm a proud Deaf individual who is fluent in both ASL and English. I used to be a live-in nanny with a hearing family who had a deaf son. The whole family wanted to learn ASL so they asked me to live with them and communicate with them only through ASL. During my interview with this family, I was asked if I would be willing to stay with them if they decided to have their deaf son implanted. I said yes, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking that I would have time to convince them they didn't need to implant their son. I stayed with them as they struggled with whether or not to have their son implanted. I was humbled by how much love they had for their deaf son. In the end, their deaf son received a CI and everybody continued to learn ASL. Now that I am a parent with 2 hearing sons, I know that parents can only do what is best for their child.

Sarah

You and Jeanette are doing a great job, from my following your wife's v/blog. Yes, I am deaf, but I support hearing parents... I want them to know that whatever decisions they make for their deaf child/children would benefit them in the long run, as long as it is done with love.

When my hearing parents learned I was deaf, my mother being an elementary school teacher, quickly exposed me to a lot of things... visual... picture books, etc. (orally) and I was lucky to have wonderful speech therapists in my childhood.

I have two deaf children... actually, one who was born hearing and started losing hearing after the age of 2 years old... he is now severe-to-profoundly deaf and he is mainstreamed, thriving very well... he prefers speaking and listening over signing (his choice.) My daughter who is hard of hearing (65 dB in both of her ears) is a student at Indiana School for the Deaf and doing well as well. I believe in offering all the opportunities to my children. I know, it is not easy making any decisions.

I am sorry that you and Jeannette have to deal with some deaf people who have some anger against hearing people. I know some hearing parents with CIed chldren and they are WONDERFUL people (nods to Ragona family in Rochester, NY, DiDomerico family, in Rochester, NY, to name a few.)

I am not exactly popular in the deaf community, since I support oracy (my children talk and lipread very well, as well as signing very well.)

'Tis life.

Best regards,
Karen Mayes

Chris & Jnet,

Wow...I only hope that we're given the grace to raise our little bits with as much love and understanding as you're giving Ellis. It must be hard sometimes to be so public with your personal decisions and convictions, but hopefully you can encourage others who are having to make difficult decisions as well.

Hang in there!!

Love,

Tim and Jo

Hmmm... about self-identity... I never see myself as a deaf person. I just see myself as a person. My past makes me who I am today and my ongoing actions influence my tomorrow, that I know.

You and Jeannette are doing right thing about teaching him the personhood (NOT deafhood... that is Ellis' journey, as we all know.)

Chris, thanks for speaking up as well. You guys have hundreds of people loving and supporting you guys and Ellis, and most of us know that no one can make better decisions for your son than you can. You're amazing, and he's amazing as well. Love to you all.

All I can say is the previous correspondents are right. They are supportive, they are all Deaf, ASL-using people, and they all have excellent English skills. Add me to them. You need not fear that your son will be rejected by the Deaf community because of his CI or training...as long as he has friends who are Deaf and he is able to communicate with them, he will always be a member of that intensely supportive community. A thought to hold: last weekend I took my son to enroll at NTID, and saw hundreds of young people wearing CI's and signing. Although my son doesn't have CI's (we chose not to implant him 19 years ago) he was comfortable in mixing with CI and non-CI fellows.

It will depend on who he identifies with--other Deaf kids or those who lean more toward hearing peers. No matter which way he goes, the truth is that he will always need some support programs, will always be at a disadvantage compared to hearing people, and will need to develop attitudes and coping skills that enable him to accomplish his own goals. Other Deaf people, role models and leaders and teachers, will give him that.

Hi. First of all, I want to say you two are awesome parents.
I am Deaf. I don't have CI. I wear hearing aids sometime when I want to hear like at the movie or play theatre. I love listening some music, I use headphone with amplifier to listen them at home. I don't know much about CI. I think if hearing aids are just as good as CI, why bother to go through the surgery, having CI implanted unless the child is totally deaf, not able to wear hearing aids, then that would be a different story. I am not criticizing you anything, it's just my opinion. Hands waving to you parents, I saw you using sign in the video. ASL is a must, no matter how much the hearing loss. I hope many in your family, like future more sisters or brothers of the deaf child, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends and more will learn ASL. I also strongly believe in bilingual.
Best regards,
KyDeafie

Chris,

You and Jeannette are doing just fine. Neither one of you are doing anything wrong. Ellis is very lucky to have wonderful parents who are truly open to the Deaf community. I read the previous post and comments that were left by others on Jeannette's blog. I could hardly explain how I feel about those negative, harsh and cruel comments. It breaks my heart knowing that there are Deaf people out there who are narrow-minded and their oppositions toward your decisions have had gone too far. I've been Deaf since birth and have been using ASL all my life. I have nothing against you both, because you are teaching Ellis ASL and spoken English. Believe me, Ellis will have a very successful life. You both are amazing and Ellis is absolutely ADORABLE!

Like all the other commenters on THIS blog post, you have our full support. We all love you!

I'm really sorry for how things got ugly on your wife's blog. :(

Chris,

You and Jeannette are doing just fine. Neither one of you are doing anything wrong. Ellis is very lucky to have wonderful parents who are truly open to the Deaf community. I read the previous post and comments that were left by others on Jeannette's blog. I could hardly explain how I feel about those negative, harsh and cruel comments. It breaks my heart knowing that there are Deaf people out there who are narrow-minded and their oppositions toward your decisions have had gone too far. I've been Deaf since birth and have been using ASL all my life. I have nothing against you both, because you are teaching Ellis ASL and spoken English. Believe me, Ellis will have a very successful life. You both are amazing and Ellis is absolutely ADORABLE!

Like all the other commenters on THIS blog post, you have our full support. We all love you!

I'm really sorry for how things got ugly on your wife's blog. :(

C & J,
I know we don't really know each other. I read comments on the last post and the negative comments have been made by people who have no idea what you stand for and have never seen Ellis up close.
J, when you visited RP some weeks ago I didn't have the chance to tell you how tender your son appeared. He was so sweet and seemed much more tender than average 2 year old.
I really hope that you don't let negative comments made out of ignorance get to you. Y'all are working very hard with Ellis, it is paying off in small steps.
Much love and continued prayers in your direction.

There's a joke someone told me that I'd love to share here.

Can't remember who said it. But the gist of it was:

BEFORE you have kids, go to the food court at the mall. Sit right behind a couple that has two or three hyperactive young children. Just sit there quietly and observe. It'll be the last time you have all the answers :)

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Right now my wife and I are struggling with different choices for our own kids and it's NEVER easy, never black-and-white.

I appreciate how you detailed all of the complexities of your decision -- can definitely see it was not an easy one!

And that's the beauty of raising kids -- as soon as we figure one thing out, they move on to something else we don't understand.

You guys are great parents. Enjoy the journey :)

Best regards,
Mark Drolsbaugh

In addition to the support stated above, I want to add how grateful we should all be that you two are willing to make this a public journey on this blog, and allow others to learn, or vent, or question, or argue. I know it must be emotionally exhausting, when your lives are already so. It is a gift you're giving to the rest of us to let us watch, and interact with you. Thanks for not giving up on us!

Yea--what Mark said! :)

Bingo! You are saying that your son wouldn't be able to have good English if he is being taught by ASL alone. You are much like other parents who think their Deaf children will have poor English unless they have CIs or go through speech classes. Can you tell me why many hearing people have poor writing skills? I know many hearing people avoid writing back and forth with me because they are ashamed of their poor writing. They felt more comfortable with me after I told them that I didn't judge them by their writing and always enjoyed writing back and forth with them. That explains why many Deaf children are so f===ed up by hearing parents who follow audists' advices. I am not saying that we are against you because you are hearing, but we are sick of seeing many hearing parents do the same thing to their Deaf children for generations. It has to be stopped and we must make a war against audists and other hearing people who brainwash innocent parents like you. Deaf Pundit, you are very funny and misunderstanding. I am not angry or bitter because I love my life as a Deaf person and very proud to use ASL anywhere. However, I am very sick of audists who take advantages of innocent hearing parents who want to do best for their Deaf children and I will always fight against those oppressors, not other hearing people. Deaf power, Deaf power, Deaf power!

Deafia, will you please knock it off? You're a perfect example of being a Deaf militant. Stop making us look bad! Jeez!

Chris,

Ellis is one of the luckiest deaf children who have hearing parents who are intelligent and have senso comune enough to know that all deaf children must be exposed to two languages bilingually. It is wrong to forbid sign language which is a deaf child's birthright language. I realise that some hearing parents do not come into full realisation or have not been educated that deaf Americans's ASL is a signed language equivalent of hearing Americans' spoken English. All children's brains are plastic -- very flexible to learn two or even three languages. When Ellis becomes an adult, he will, I know, be eternally grateful to have the parents like you for providing him TWO best worlds! He may develop both speech and auditory skills, who knows? Having watched your child on video, I know that your pride with joy will continually glow as he grows.

Bilingually yours,
JB

You guys are awesome! No one can take away how much you love Ellis, no matter what decision you make. I am honored to know you and see you use your faith in God to take each little step. What a virtual storm you're weathering. Have peace.

Deafia, while this is not my blog, I think that this is not the right time or place for this type of comments. This is not productive for an open, honest dialogue. If you have such a problem with what's going on, go rant about it on your vlogsite.

Yep, I agree...

No need to justify your decision to get your child implanted.

I only care that you guys love the kid, want the best for the kid, have an open mind, and introduce your child to all sides of being Deaf.

I am sorry you had to defend yourself when there is no need for it. I certainly hope that the experience with previous blog will not stop you from continuing to share what you want us to know about. We'll expect some disagreements here and there.

Those who say not to make us look bad or are embarassed by those certain who are part of the community need to remember that we are not responsible for them and for the public to realize that they are not a make up of the Deaf community as a whole. People are humans and it is expected to find some people like that everywhere whether we like it or not.

Hello Chris:

I think one of your arguments is especially important: "...there is no substitute for acquiring language at a young age. If a child misses the opportunity to learn language at a young age, it is almost impossible to catch up. Not that many haven't done very well, but they can never equal the ease and skill of the early learner."

That's true. In fact that's the crux of the whole issue. And therefore I'm encouraged to see that you've continued to make ASL a part of your lives as you guide your son through his CI training.

I too regret that things apparently became ugly in one of your earlier blogs (I'm sorry, I didn't read them so I'm not sure what was said). I think that what you've written above is a good example of parents incorporating as many options as possible into activating a deaf child's neural network for acquiring language.

I'm with Deafia.

But before I go further, I'd like to say that I can see that you both are trying to do what's best for your son, and I respect that. It is very clear that you are doing what you can, because of the effort you've made in doing this blog, reaching out to the Deaf community, and talking with people.

Please allow me to take the opportunity to explain why I said I'm with Deafia.

First, you do not need a cochlear implant to acquire English. That is a myth. My wife is 100% Deaf, and she doesn't even speak... And she has a Bachelor's Degree in English. She is a very well respected Deaf person in the Deaf community in Washington DC & Maryland as well as some other states.

I am also 100% Deaf myself. I was reading Stephen King books by the time I was 10, and Shakespeare by the time I was 12- and I understood these books. And I didn't have a cochlear implant until I was 19. Yet, I had the English language skills and was well advanced, more advanced than my hearing peers.

Yes, I do have a cochlear implant, but I don't use it. More about that later.

I grew up attending a Deaf program in a mainstream school. And out of these 40 Deaf kids, 38 were on spot in terms to their education progress. The other 2 were behind, but that was a result of their parents' lack of involvement.

Language acquisition for Deaf children itself relies solely on the parents' motivation, willingness, education level, and audistic attitude. If you have parents that do not learn ASL, do not communicate with their children, nor do they spend time with them... Then, most certainly, they will fall behind. And that is 90% of the reason why there are many Deaf people that are not that well educated.

It has nothing to do with being ASL, Oral, PSE signer, SEE signer, or any of that baloney. Well, except, oral Deaf people have shown to be less educated than ASL signers generally, due to the fact that oralist teachers spend more time working on the students speech rather than the subject matter, as well as the flow of information not being fast or effective enough. But that's another story for another time.

I would argue against the use of cochlear implants from a pride perspective- is the Deaf person or the Deaf parents so ashamed that their child is... Deaf... Defective? That they must fix it? And they'll be willing to carve a hole in a child's skull to achieve that 'repair'?

Clearly in this case, that is not the issue with you two, so I would not think to accuse you of that. You have clearly stated that you want to help with language acquisition and to make him 'bilingual'. So, I will put that first argument aside.

My second argument would be, there are many Deaf people that are very well educated and does not have a cochlear implant. What makes you feel that your son could not be successful without the implant? Do you doubt your son's ability to adapt?

Is it really worth it... Despite the knowledge that there are many Deaf people out there without an implant that is quite successful... To carve out a hole into your child's skull, load him on morphine during the recovery process, put a foreign object in there that ultimately will prevent him from having a MRI, which is vital in an event of say, a severe car accident? Is it worth it to constantly update the implant every 10 years? (Of which you will have to) And every time, subject him to hearing adjustment sessions all over again, like he did the first time? Every time? Every 10 years?

That's 2 years of wasted life in an audiologist's office per implant. Let's say your son lives to be 80. He'd have to have it changed approximately 8 times. 8x2 is 16 years wasted in an audiologist's office. Is that really worth it? He could be out there, and not making Deafness the whole point of his life.

Because the implant is in your son's skull, everyday, he will wake up, put this hearing device on and be reminded that he is "disabled", and constantly see doctors... It creates a mentality of disability and a loss.

Someone such as myself- I just wake up, and I don't remember I am Deaf. It is just is. I'm who I am, and that's the end of that. I wake up, go straight to the shower, and get ready for work. Then I happily sign with my co-workers when I am at work. I go home, get ready for bed.

But, your son will wake up, shower, then put on the implant, sometimes give himself a shock when he accidentally hits the volume level higher... And deal with the weird feeling of the magnet attaching to the head, deal with covering it with his hair. During the day, he'll constantly fiddle with the receiver as surround sound and environment changes. He'll constantly move it a little bit, just to be more comfortable. Then he'll go home, take off the implant and go to bed... And for the first 30 minutes, he'll feel that magnetic indentation that the implant left behind. It is uncomfortable to experience. As the skin balances itself out, he can finally forget that it is there and go to sleep.

But, you don't quite forget. I have an implant, as I said above. It is a nightmare. I had it when I was 19 to make a point to my parents because they would not stop harassing me about having it. I wore it for a short time, then threw it away in the trash. Yes, I threw the $15,000 dollar processor in the trash. It felt good!

But, there is a price for it. I cannot sleep well at night, because I feel the implant constantly. Every time I smile, frown, or laugh, I feel it. Occasionally, I accidentally hit my head where the implant is, and I get a big "head shock"- which is actually nature's way of saying "whoa, friend, you could have died" (Due to the thinning of the skull when the implant is put there)

And I have lost some power of facial expressions on the right side of my face, due to nerve damage. It is a risk that occurs EVERY TIME someone opens up that area of the head... INCLUDING EVERY TIME YOUR CHILD HAS THE IMPLANT REPLACED. The risk happens twice per surgery. The more often it is done, the risk increases.

I'm not trying to offend you, on the contrary, I am applauding your efforts on trying to be there for your son. As a father of a Deaf boy, (and soon to be father of 2nd child)- I respect your love and desire to do what you can for your son.

But, remember this, the cochlear corporations are very powerful companies backed by politicians, oralists, and doctors... So a lot of things you read on the internet is ONE SIDED. You only see the other side when you read personal accounts of Deaf people such as myself. Remember that.

-Erick

I watched your vlog of Ellis responding to sounds and getting the train tracks from you when he tells you that he heard them. This is interactive. You have a colorful environment.

This also reminds me of the time I spent in the sound rooms at Children's Hospital, when I was given a toy or positive reinforcement if I caught the beep sounds in different frequencies or some words spoken like airplane, baseball, toothbrush, hot dog, etc. The words were compound which were easier to recognize. I caught most of the words that had voiced consonant sounds, like b, g, d. The voiceless sounds were the sounds understandably I had more of a challenge with (s, t, k) so I lipread which helped me see how the sounds were form by the mouth. This is phonology. It was not rocket science for me. I just picked it up in a matter of skill though my hearing loss is 105 db in both ears. I don't remember any form of coercion from my parents where I was supposed to speak a certain way. My parents actually made choices based on what was natural for us (my brother and I). I had a very close relationship with my Mom. This is not to say I could lipread and converse easily with everyone - only a few people. The most recent was a neighbor of a friend's who was so easy for me.

I can't speak if CI is the best choice because I don't have one. I grew up with hearing aids. I wouldn't get one for myself either because it's a personal choice of mine. I just don't want to deal with the hassle of surgery and "activation" when I can do without listening to needless cricket sounds. Every deaf person who has an idea or thought has gleamed their opinion from their personal experience, and some are just more vocal than others. They just want to put in their two cents. In order to be read, it has to cost three cents. I hope mine was three. :-)

I think you guys are awesome!

Erick and Deafia, thank you both for your comments. Since J is at her Mom's and left her 'puter at home, and since this was my post to begin with, I'll address you myself.

Erick, I especially appreciate that you laid that first argument aside. This is the kind of reasoned dialogue that we we find helpful. I have to say that when I read a post like yours my stomach gets all twisted up and I start into that cycle of wondering whether we made a mistake or not. Of course, I know that this is fruitless, since this truly is a 'moot thought and musing.' He's got the implant.

Re. education: I'm open to the possibility that our understanding of the value of the implant for education was too black and white. Allow me to think aloud a bit...

A manual/oral bilingualism is different in kind from an oral/oral bilingualism. That is, ASL/English bilingualism is not completely analogous to, say, French/English bilingualism. The reason is that the two languages use different organs, and they use different symbolic structures: in an oral language, syallables compose words and words compose sentences. On the other hand, in ASL handshapes are modified to form representations of abstract or concrete entities. Relationships among entities, which in oral language are handled via word order, inflections indicating tense, mood, etc., and prepositions, are handled in ASL by 'placing' signs into spatial relations.

That's just the structural difference. Organically, ASL relies far more heavily than oral language on visual subtleties to create shades of meaning. Oral language, on the other hand, relies on subtleties of intonation more heavily than it does on visual cues.

All of which is to say that ASL/Oral bilingualism is not an easy feat to pull off. Not that it can't be, as your excellent English skills indicate. But, surely, it is far more difficult when you don't have access to sound. The rules of spelling, especially, are linked to sound. When I taught English remediation to at-risk African American boys, we relied almost entirely on phonics.

Or maybe it is better to put it positively: any Deaf person can acquire fluent written English skills. But having access to sound, especially at an early age, would have made this task easier than it was.

I think this is how we reasoned about the CI in general. The CI, we thought, will be for him an additional tool.

There were other concerns we had about raising our deaf son. What happens when he is thirty feet away and makes a run for the road? Or what if he forgets to look and can't hear the horn? What if the fire alarm goes off and we can't get to him? Or what if I have a heart attack and he can't use the phone? Of course, all of you made it to adulthood without a problem, so a CI clearly isn't necessary for preventing these things from happening. Nor does having a CI necessarily prevent them from happening, either. But, again, the CI would be another tool to use, another layer of protection and advantage.

In the end, I suppose, getting the CI was a pragmatic calculation of risk vs. benefit. And based on what we understood, the benefit outweighed the risk.

There was another big issue for us, though. Jeannette and I are both devout Christians, as many of her readers will know. The most important thing we believe we can do as parents is to pass our faith on to our children. We are members of a pretty small denomination, whose churches tend to be small and not wealthy. Fortunately, our present congregation has expressed interest in obtaining the services of an ASL interpreter for Sunday services, irrespective of his having the CI. But we can't count on this being the case everywhere he goes, and we don't want his choice of church limited by his ability to hear. This is one area where we have to insist that he be unencumbered. Otherwise, he is free to never wear the CI, if he so chooses.

Before I go, let me make one other clarification. Just in case someone might misunderstand: my educational concern is no so much for his education generally as it is for his written English fluency specifically. I get the impression that everyone here understands that... .

Oh, and Erick, I think you have me beat. I wasn't reading and understanding Shakespeare until 13 ;-) Big encouragement to me. Thank you again for your comments, Erick and Deafie. And thanks also to everyone else. I've read all of your comments at least three times over since yesterday.

i was horrified by the comments on the last post but didn't comment there because I'm ignorant about the issues involved. I will say that I've been reading this blog a long time and I have complete faith in Jeannette and Chris as parents.

I wanted to comment on this post to say thanks to chris for writing these clarifications. i don't at all get the sense that you all are trying to make ellis hearing just like you, which so many of the other commenters seem to think. you don't even seem to be looking for a cure. in everything both of you have to say, you talk about this as a tool, an advantage, something extra that he doesn't strictly speaking need but which might be useful to him.

the heartbreaking thing is that many of the deaf commenters here have clearly been hurt by people who wanted to fix it for them. Again, let me declare my ignorance. I'm hearing and I don't so much as know a single deaf person but I hear pain in even the ugliest comments and I feel really sad for those people, not because they're deaf but because people around them haven't accepted that as a fact and not a tragedy.

I hear the anger, too, and I think its justified anger but with a caveat: it should not be directed toward Jeannette and Chris. Ellis is his own person having his own experience. He is not living anybody else's bad childhood and the projection that's going on here is unhelpful, even if the pain is very real.

I think a key thing for Jeannette and Chris as Ellis grows is to continually reassess how it's going, what's best for Ellis *now,* what Ellis wants once he's old enough to articulate it. And to be willing to change. I think all parents need to do that but I think a sensitivity to that is especially key here.

And that comes back to my complete faith in these parents. I trust ya'll to do right. Even if you make mistakes--and I'm sure you will--you love your kid, you're smart, you're capable. I have to believe it'll turn out okay. From the time you found out ellis was deaf, I have been nothing but impressed with your total acceptance of the situation. You didn't use the blog to rail and weep and mourn. You simply said, okay. He's deaf. Let's get to work learning ASL. I can't imagine a better response. And that's why I believe in you!

Hi Chris,

I asked Jeanette for an update and I'm so glad she was generous to share the vlog with us. To tell you the truth, I've never seen a deaf child with a C.I. in person before. Ellis is the third child I've seen via a vlog, with another mom's two kids in different vlogs few weeks ago.

I winced at reading some of the critical comments. I'm still learning about C.I., so I say that I am neutral. I was criticized for being neutral, with some people visibly very upset with me, feeling betrayed because I supported them in many other ways. That was hard on me, but I replied that I barely know much about C.I.. I grew up oral and was one of the few to be able to get a good education. The majority didn't benefit from oralism.

Please try to understand that Deaf critics spoke out of their concerns for deaf children due to the extensive history of oral education failing to meet the communication and educational needs of most deaf children, harming them in the long run. C.I. is still a educated gamble, hence their concerns.

You see, for many decades, oral educators, audiologists, speech pathologists, and doctors misled parents implying that if their deaf kids are taught orally while not permitted access to sign language, they will grow up speaking like hearing people. For example. my parents were told that I will be able to use the phone at the age of 16 years old. Well, that never happened. Many hearing parents ended up many years later expressing deep regrets to their deaf children, saying they wish they were told the truth from the 'professionals'. Oralism have permanently impaired the language development for the majority of deaf children, scarring them emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Many of the deaf kids were treated horribly during the process while they struggled to master speaking, listening, and lipreading. Frequently the approaches were abusive. Unfortunately the professionals refuse to take the consequences of their actions, blaming ASL for the problems deaf people have and rejecting these same deaf kids for being 'oral failures'. And they continue their practice of saying C.I. will make deaf kids 'hearing', just like the old days when they said oralism and hearing aids will make the deaf kids 'hearing'.

So please try to understand even though some may come across as harsh, they also speak out of love for deaf children. They have seen too many hearing parents misled and deceived and they don't want Ellis to experience what countless deaf kids did.

I hope you and your wife will continue this journey and educate us about Ellis. Also that you are willing to listen to us, too. I appreciate very much your generosity to share the progress of Ellis with the Deaf Community. Please share this message with your wife.

Thanks

Elizabeth

My thinking on CIs is expressed in this poem from my book Deaf Haiku:

You gotta have a
hole in the head to get a
cochlear implant.

But to each his own!

Elizabeth - thank you especially for your explanations about how education has been for many deaf children. How can education for them be improved? Are there schools in which the "teaching language" is ASL? Is the trend changing? Are these children now taught written English too? With the technology we now have in schools, I'd think so much of the teaching could be converted to visual text - would that be useful?

I'm an English teacher, so this fascinates me. It is tragic that so many deaf children have been robbed of an education. How can it be changed?

Hi, Mary Kathryn!

Yes, Elizabeth explained it very well! I grew up in a system where ASL was something to "look down on" and it was MANDATORY to use our voice, even while signing. But signing alone, especially "following" ASL? We'd be scolded or punished.

The teachers' signing skills were poor as well. However, there was one teacher I will never forget who did her damnest even though she emphasized signing in English and speaking at the same time. It was just the system she was trained and followed through.

I saw newcomers who came to our school from oral programs and their languages were delayed and they were learning sign language in our class. The damages had already been done at their ages - 7,8,9 and older.

However, there were a few who did succeed without the use of sign language and even managed to speak well with extensive training. But I know one of them threw her hearing aids and married into Deaf Culture, never looking back.

So...this tells me that if given ASL as the FIRST language then anything else CAN be expanded - even making things easier for AVT or speech training.

The education system hasn't been changed to this day, sadly. I wouldn't want anyone to attend any public schools here in Michigan. It's a sorry state!

So far I've only heard of five excellent (someone correct me if I'm mistaken) schools that teaches ASL and English in writing.

It's the attitudes that really matters the most - respecting ASL itself and everything else would fall into place.

Right now hearing people who use ASL get more respect than those deaf people who use ASL. I know that sounds funny, but it's true...

About two months ago, three of us gave two full day of ASL English Bridge workshop specifically for teachers of deaf and hoh in mainstreaming programs around in Denver area. 22 teachers showed up and almost of them stayed through two days.

I watched their signing and..I hate to tell but about 1//2 of them are signing at around scale of 2 to 2.5 out of 5 (5 = full fledged proficiency). I was a full time ASL evaluator and used standard Language Proficiency Interview test tool. I evaluated about 3,000 signs to this date.

Now back to the scene, 1/4 of them sign fluently. 1/4 of them barely sign at all. That is the reality of deaf education system.

But I was very impressed with their good questions and was indeed heartened by their enthusiasm knowing that they really should offer ASL to deaf and hoh students if they somehow manage by taking more classes and hiring ASL signing deaf teachers to work with them as team. Buy more ASL resources and build ASL into currirculum. Also increase deaf - hoh ed program size to fitting criteria mass. That way everyone will be able to get best ASL model and improve their signing skills more naturally especially for deaf - hoh children who eventually will enter Deaf community.

I won't use literacy as an argument, it is a problem everywhere anyway. Yes if children go past 7, 8, 9 years in low language environment, damage gets underway.

Please check the link, http://www.alldeaf.com/deaf-education/44589-ny-schools-teaching-deaf-kids-asl.html

I have a friend here in Boston, MA who teaches at a school that uses ASL as the teaching language, I believe. It is a private school, however.

Hi Chris and Jeannette! I'm sorry you've encountered such a lack of support and even condemnation from some of your readers. I know it wasn't just an easy-breezy decision to choose CI, nor was it easy to go through the ordeal of having the surgery itself. But I also know that you are good parents, and that you love ASL and the Deaf community, and that Ellis is a very happy and intelligent boy. None of that will change!

I agree with you in thinking the CI will be a helpful tool for him, just like learning a foreign language for travel in a foreign country. Even when traveling with someone else who is fluent in the native language (say, Russian), it's still very useful to learn how to say "Where's the bathroom?" or "I'm sorry!" or "What did you say?" And it's frustrating when you aren't able to ask a passer-by "Is there a nice cafe nearby?" or grumble "Stop pushing, you're crushing me!"

And in the USA, spoken English is the mother tongue, and most people don't know ASL - people in shops, at gas stations, librarians, flight attendants, waitresses... Being bilingual will be a wonderful asset to Ellis. And of course, I agree with the thoughts of emergency situations - needing him to hear you shout a warning, or hearing a car horn, or a police siren, or his name being called when he's lost, or even a clerk shouting "Hey buddy, you forgot your wallet!"

Anyway... I'm pretty ignorant about the Deaf community, so I hope I haven't offended anyone. It just seems to me that it's a wonderful thing to give Ellis a chance to participate in TWO worlds of communication. In a much more minor sense, I'm a left-handed gal living in a right-handed world. Sometimes it's annoying. Usually I'm proud of it (which is kind of silly, but true). I've adapted in most things - I can use "normal" scissors, for example, which makes life easier for me (since I use scissors ALL the time and have to buy so MANY of them. Left-handed tools are expensive!) But sometimes I wish I were completely ambidextrous, and could use both hands with equal skill. (Again - left-handed tools are expensive!!) I know that being right-handed isn't "better," but I also know that right-handed people have it easier, since the world is structured around right-handedness, whether I like it or not. I would imagine it's the same way for hearing, and if you can make life a little easier for him in this sound-centric world, then so much the better!

Hmm, I rambled quite a lot.

You said: "There were other concerns we had about raising our deaf son. What happens when he is thirty feet away and makes a run for the road? Or what if he forgets to look and can't hear the horn? What if the fire alarm goes off and we can't get to him? Or what if I have a heart attack and he can't use the phone?"

Using that logic to justify getting a CI is...I'm sorry to say, screwed up.

Putting a hole in your child's head is not worth it, especially when there are SIMPLE, EASY solutions to your questions above.

You're worried about your child's safety? The answer is *not* CI...the answer is to TEACH your child a couple of important things:
1) don't run into the street;
2) always look both ways when crossing the street;
3) elsewhere, always be aware of your environment;
4) You're worried about fire alarms? Geez. There are fire alarms WITH flashing lights. Teach your child that if the fire alarm light goes off, find his parents ASAP;
5) In emergencies (like you having a heart attack), why, your child will have access to relay...as long as you either have a TTY or a computer (relay comes in several options: through phone line via TTY or through computer via website).

Someone else already has made a post telling you that you don't need CI to learn English. I am Deaf and have been Deaf since birth, and I don't have a CI (thank God!) and I learned English just fine. My reading and writing skills are just as good as yours...and many times, I've noticed that mine are way better than most hearing people's.

So...stop thinking in terms of "can't"...as in, "my child can't do this because he can't hear". For your child's sake, STOP. Your child is very capable of doing ANYTHING hearing people do. (of course, except to pick up a phone and answer it the same way you would, but that's a really small thing. Deaf people just handle phones differently.)

Since your child now has a permanent hole in his head, thanks to your flawed thinking, the CI can't be undone. But...it's not too late for you to change your thinking and change how you view your child. Your child is NOT helpless. Your child's being Deaf is NOT a tragedy or misfortune and should not be treated as such. Your child is NOT suffering.

And by the way, in case you are wondering...I am a proud Deaf mother of a Deaf son who will turn 2 years old next month, and happily, he is CI-free. And I'm 4 months pregnant, and if I have another Deaf baby, why, that's just fine with us!

I hope other hearing parents read this, because this shit has to stop. And by "shit" I mean the constant mindset held by many hearing people like yourself where all of you seem to think that Deaf people are suffering, are leading miserable lives, are helpless, etc etc etc. The truth is...all of what you are thinking is completely wrong. Many Deaf people are happy, content, independent people.

Dear friends,

My we've had an interesting few days here. I've appreciated the dialogue and perspectives.

As the owner of this blog, though, I think it's within my prerogative to ask that we close the discussion now. I don't think anything new or constructive can be said at this point. There is a larger story called Our Life that most of you do not see and, I think, would enrich these couple of blog posts. Some comments are made out of ignorance of who we are and what we believe about the world. It's a tricky thing, blogging, it's at once so transparent yet so removed.

I hope we can continue to dialogue at a future time. I hope those who have been hurt find peace. Nobody claims to know all the answers to life's persisting questions. But I hope, at the end the day, when each person examines him/herself that they find that their decisions and choices were made thoughtfully (even prayerfully) and with honesty.

So, peace, my friends. Let's move on to other pastures.

I hope you will permit this post to be published. There is no doubt in my mind that you and your husband are doing this out of love and what you feel is the best for Ellis, by giving him as many options as you feel he will benefit.

Hello,

I am sorry that your wife and our dialogues on her blog hitting on your nerves and making you to feel very uncomfortable. However, I am not sorry that I had shared my views on issues with CI. It is important for us to have both views on the table and to continue our discussion even it may be uncomfortable on both sides.

When you are ready, please feel free to come back. We welcome your dialogue..

Aidan

Aidan, you are very sick. No reason that you attack the hearing parents of CI deaf child are allowed to make decision. It isn’t your son. You are divided into two separate deaf communities like your sister Jane Fernandes.

Wow, been reading comments from this post and the previous video of Ellis (which, by the way, is too cuet!!).

I am blown away that some people have made such nasty remarks!

As Deaf folks, we encourage (or DEMAND) that hearing parents use ASL along with CI.

Here is a perfect example of a family doing exactly what we have DEMANDED, yet we are still moaning and groaning!!!

I can understand why hearing parents agonize over choices they have to make for their babies. It is because they cannot win with us!!!

I personally am excited to keep up with Ellis' progress. We are quick to assume that hearing parents make CI choices without hesitation, however this family has shown that it is NOT an easy decision for them.

Thanks for sharing your journey!! Best to you and yours!