Moot Thoughts & Musings

I'm too tired to really write much tonight. I've got to go to bed.

I just got back from the train. I was at CHOP (Children's Hosp. of Philly) this evening attending a parent's panel for cochlear implants. A few parents on the panel, a few in attendence.

I wish I hadn't gone. Other than the fact that I was totally bored. These people were so Not Like Me it was just really hard. In fact, I'm usually the type of person that can't resist participating in these kinds of things, because I'm social and I like to talk. But I couldn't find a way to say anything this evening. I was just on such a totally different wave length.

For one thing, I don't mind that my kid is deaf. And for another, I don't mind that he knows that he's deaf either. That is one fundamental difference between me and the others. And then it's just down hill from there.

It was just depressing. I know that there are many options. And that every family is different with its own needs. So why do I feel so out of place when I say that we sign and want E to be part of the Deaf community?

I just left feeling annoyed. I don't fit the mold. The white, middle-class, suburban Thing To Do is not what I'm doing. Once again!

So this post is more about how I'm feeling annoyed at once again being on the fringe, but absolutely depressed by the mainstream. I'm annoyed about being on the fringe, not because I want what the mainstream has or does. I'm annoyed because I feel like I'm tacitly judged (whether I really am or not).

I know I'm not making sense. You know what, later, I'll post the more thoughtful version, which will include the visit to the oral school that we did last week, which also ugh-ed me out.

Okay. Just ignore my brain barf.

Two positive things to end with: I got to spend quality time with my good friend Em, who was kind enough to accompany me. And I met another mother whose 2mo old was just diagnosed; at least I could offer an encouraging word. She seemed cool. I wish I could've chatted more with her.