Moot Thoughts & Musings

The last thing I expected a week ago was to be going into labor. So much for What to Expect..., huh? By my calculations (which had me slightly more gestationally along than my official doctor prescribed due date), I was 36 weeks last Tuesday. I officially delivered at 35, though, which is where they had me.

I had signs of labor for a few days, but I'm like the opposite of a hypochondriac. I manage to reason my way out of being sick or whatever. I think I technically started the labor process on Sunday. I think I lost my mucous plug then. I was studying the signs of labor in What to Expect.... My internal dialogue noticed the mucous and said but it's not an astounding amount, and everyone is always surprised at how messy it is. it's not all that much. besides even if it were, labor can still be weeks away according to the book. I did feel kind of icky, though. But I'd been pregnant for awhile, and it was kind of hot, and we were busy with Sam Fest, so I figured that with the combination of those factors, it was no wonder I didn't feel great.

Then, early, early Tuesday morning, like 2.30 am, I woke up to go to the bathroom, and I felt a little trickling, and began spotting pink. I again consulted What to Expect.... "Increased discharge. Spotting all month." okay. no big deal. this is what happens in the ninth month. i'll just keep on going. pregnancy is forever throwing you curve balls anyway. I felt crampy all day, like bad menstural cramps. But I didn't feel distinct contractions, so I figured this was all part of the picnic that is the ninth month.

Our friends, Family CurlyHead, have moved to Maine. (He was our pastor in New Orleans.) They stopped here last Tuesday to spend the night on their way up. Alison noticed I was feeling uncomfortable, but I told her I was fine, just normal ninth month stuff. I wanted to enjoy their company. We sat in the back patio drinking coffee while the girls played in the back yard. Later I went in to make fajitas for supper. I thought to myself even if this labor...which it couldn't POSSIBLY be since I have four weeks left...I'm probably doing the best thing by keeping on moving. After dinner while every one was getting situated, I went upstairs to use the restroom, and I looked at the tub, and thought how wonderful a bath sounded. I soaked in the bath for a few minutes. I just felt really uncomfortable and crampy. But to myself no contractions, no worries. just keep pressing on, and enjoy our company.

The girls were in bed. I went down to the basement to hang out with Alison in remaining quiet evening hours. She looked at me again and asked point blank "Are you bleeding?" but I was like, "yea, but you know this is normal, no big deal." And she's looking at me like I'm nuts, "you need to call your doctor." I probably wouldn't have had such a cavalier attitude if I didn't already have an appointment scheduled for Wednesday morning. I thought that the if there was anything exciting she would discover then. Chris followed Alison's insistance that I call the doctor right then, so I did.

She asked me to come in just to check. I was feeling a little nervous by then, but reasoned with myself all she has to do is check and send me home. no biggie. I was still feeling nervous. I had never been to this hospital before; we were going to take our hospital on Wednesday night. We hadn't really studied over labor coaching or anything. We were just starting to get settled with moving and were going to use the last month to focus on getting ready for the baby. So the fact that labor was even a question started making me feel apprehensive. Alison came along with us. She's so calming; it was nice to have her there.

Finding labor and delivery wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. So there I was. A resident came in to examine me. Yep. My water had broken. And I wasn't going home.

I couldn't believe it. I was not at all excited. I wanted to cry. I wasn't mentally prepared at all. I kept trying to think of ways to get out of it. But here it was upon me. They were saddling me up with monitors and were sticking IV's into me to start the pitocin drip. Since my water had broken, and I hadn't done the courtesy of telling them for like 18 hours (I didn't know that that trickling was the membranes), they were going to induce me. I was scared of the pitocin, of the pain, of everything. I hadn't had a chance to convince myself I was in labor. In fact, I had spent all day convincing myself out of it. In retrospect I think that was one of the hardest parts of the night, trying to deal with my mental state.

I got installed into a labor and delivery room (thankfully they did everything in one room). At least I had skimmed the birthin' books when they came last March, so I promptly got to the business of trying to relax and to rest as much as I could then, thinking that this was going to be a long night. At that point it was about 10.30 pm. They hadn't done an internal exam when I came in, because they didn't want to increase the risk of infection since my water had broken. But when they had looked inside they said it looked all closed in there, so we all figured that it was going to take awhile for my cervix to get ready for everything.

So the pitocin kept dripping. I was still feeling crampy from the day. They asked if I wanted to have an epidural, and I said that I would play it by ear. But I was depressed, because I was all strapped up with IVs and monitors, not exactly the way I thought my labor was going to go. At that point I thought to myself, screw it. when they offer pain meds, take them. I'm so not with it.

The cramps never stopped. They were a constant pain the whole time. Contractions began to build, but I kept trying to relax. It was harder and harder to relax through the contractions, though, because the cramps never stopped. I didn't have any moment to regroup. It was just constant pain that kept getting worse. I wanted to take a bath, which made me more depressed that I was all strapped up. Finally I asked for some pain meds.

They did pull down the pitocin a little. And before they were able to give me an epidural, they were going to have to do an internal exam to figure how I was progressing. Eventually they came in, got all set, and the resident was like "holy cow! you're 6 cm!" That was probably the highlight of the whole labor experience, thinking that I would have hours, maybe days, of this, and then to find out I had been making significant progress. So they stepped up their pace a little and set about trying to find the anesthesiologist. He was all over the place and took forever to come. In a little bit they did another exam, and I had progressed to 8 cm! I think around this time, they had stopped the pitocin altogether.

This was the beginning of the end, and I felt like I was beginning to lose it a little. Finally the anesthesiologist showed up and they were going to get me ready for the epidural. I had to sit up from where I been lying on my side. As soon as I sat up, the constant cramp felt a little better. The doctor asked me if I was sure I wanted the epidural, since I was making such good progress so far. She said it would help with the contractions but not necessarily with the pelvic pressure. Well, since it was the pressure that was killing me, I began to doubt. Everyone began to ask me questions about what I was feeling. I had no idea. The anesthesiologist was going through his spiehl. I asked how long until I could start pushing. The doctor said that it could be minutes or hours, no one could know. I sat there through a couple more contractions. The anesth. guy was getting a little impatient. "Do you want one or not? I can't come back, you know."

I began to feel more pressure and a little like I might be able to push soon. The nurses and doctor were giving me positive vibes about pressing on without the epidural, though I will say they were fantastic and didn't make me feel pressured one way or the other. So I decided not to get it.

It wasn't long at all before I had the inclination to push. At that point, I don't remember much. I was delirious, lost control, and totally panicked. I wanted to push, but they said not to, since I was still only 8 cm. Yea right. I felt like saying "oh I can get him through 8 cm!" I was panicking, and couldn't think straight. Chris was utterly fantastic the whole time, and kept trying to pull my focus together, to breathe. Finally the nurse snapped her fingers in my face, and between her and Chris and an oxygen mask, I was breathing. And then they snipped me (drat!) and said I could push. That was one thing I did right. So I pushed through one contraction and then the doctor said "Okay, we'll have him in the next contraction." score! So I pushed again and out he came crying lustily!! This was like only 5 hours after they started the pitocin drip (3.24 to be exact). I can't believe it all happened so fast, and I guess I had technically been laboring all day, and the pitocin just finished me off.

Since he was four/five weeks early, I only got touch him for like 2 seconds, before they whisked him off to check him. But we were still all in the same room, so I could watch him and here him squeak and cry. They brought him over to hold. I was shaking and trembling so much that after cuddling for a couple of seconds I gave him to Chris, because by then they were stitching me up and it was very uncomfortable. He was so adorable and was wiggling and making squeaking noises. He was very alert and looking all around, sticking out his tongue.

While they were stitching me, they said something about using the vaccuum. I was shocked. I had no idea! Apparently right at the end, his heart rate really fell, and they had to get him out fast. It all depended on my being to push exactly as they told me to or they would've gone into emergency Csection mode. I had no idea all that had been happening. It was a real blessing that I was able to snap out of panic in order to push. When it came to pushing, that was actually one thing that I felt prepared to do, and I think that confidence helped, too. Because when I was reading about it, I realized that it was sort of like singing...keeping control of muscles with a controlled expenditure of energy.

They took Ellis away to check up, and I got installed in my room to rest. I couldn't believe it!! For awhile during labor, I think I forgot I was having a baby, so when he came, I was so overwhelmed and happy. But then I didn't get to really hold him for 6 hours!! Because he was so early, they kept him up there to monitor him, to let his body temp gradually adjust, to make sure he was breathing right and all. He is in excellent health. No breathing difficulties.

On Monday I was depressed about having to be in a new hospital in a strange place, but the whole experience turned out so wonderfully. During labor the doctor and nurses were fantastic; they were with me a lot and helped immensely. I stayed for two nights at the hospital, and I was glad for every minute of it. I know they were booked to the gills, because I went overflow into the pediatrics ward. I had my own room. I could have the baby all I wanted. They were incredibly helpful. They even stuck a sign in his bassinet to ward off bottles, pacifiers, and other plastic nipples. There was a lactation consultant who came around regularly to help me out. Everyone was great, and I'm so glad the experience turned out so well.

Ellis has been doing great since we've been home. Nursing had a bit of a rocky start, and it's still not going as smoothly as I'd like. I think because I didn't get him until he was 6 hours old and because he's so early, we're having a few troubles. The only real difficulty I'm having is getting him to latch on. Sometimes it takes forever to finally coax him on. He's ready. I'm ready. It's making the connection. Once he's on, though, he feeds very well. And I haven't had too much problem with pain in that category (which is great, because recovering from these stitches is no picnic). My friend probably gave me the best advice ever: Lanolin.

He had his first doctor's appt today. All is doing well, he's dropped a few ounces down to 5'12" (he was 6 lbs even at birth), but that's normal. Our little boy is so tiny. Yesterday we had to get some preemie diapers and socks at BabiesRUs. Newborn size onesies kind of droop over him. And he wiggles! When I picked him up this morning, he had practically wiggled out of his nightgown.

My mom has been here these past few days, and it's been SO nice. Especially since Chris's mom had to be at a conference. We were still sort of unpacking and getting settled, and my mom was able to help a lot in that category, too. I'm still feeling kind of puny. The stitches hurt, haven't figured out the whole nighttime thing yet, and I randomly burst into tears. But, hey, gotta love those hormones.

Our boy is fantastic. We just love him so much! It's been fun to watch Chris become a dad. He would barely hold a baby before, and now he deftly changes diapers and folds onesies.

Ok. That should get us caught up. We're still reeling. It all happened so fast and so unexpectedly. When I went into labor, we still had to buy a carseat, i didn't have any clothes washed or a hospital bag packed. But it's all coming together. I'm glad were here among so many family and friends. It's been a huge blessing.