Moot Thoughts & Musings

I usually don't go this long without some post, however banal. This week I've actually written a few posts that you do not see. The first I wrote, published, then deleted a few minutes later. It was too personal and wasn't actually communicating what I wanted to communicate. If you can use your personal thoughts and experiences in an appropriate way to achieve a particular purpose, that is an effective way of writing. Sure I talk about my personal life, daily things, and whatnot. But there are layers and aspects of home life that I don't think is appropriate to share on blog world (see discussion on RT's blog [I love links! You can even cite in blog posts!...I wonder if Turabian will come out with a format for blog citation..]). So anyway, I deleted that post. I was writing another post about blogging and the Dan Rather scandal, which intrigued me from an entirely "historiographical" point of view.* While I was writing it, mozilla crashed, and I really had to scoot to the library anyway. So I let bygones be bygones. I wasn't really getting to the point I was trying to get to anyway.

So what has been going on this week?

Well, part of my activities included absorbing large amounts of my brain for a test in my "Music History of the Most Recent Eras" class (it's actually a sort of 20th c survey but I call it the above). Tests with this prof are very challenging. They expose this disease that has been plaguing me for a long time: the Disease of Imprecision. With my handy-dandy liberal arts background I can understand big concepts, make interesting connections, and read and write critically. My weakness is coming down to the detail level. A lot of profs give tests with a lot of short answer and essay questions. These kind of tests allow wiggle room for me to manipulate the question to bring out my strengths. Tests with this prof assume that you know those things and zero in on the precise detail. In the end his way is probably better. Knowing those important details only strengthen the big picture. I'm not devoid of dates, etc., just not precise ones. I think in terms of decades and parts of centuries, not the exact date. But in the end, a more compelling historical argument can be made with the precision. It's not just dates he's precise about, other things are included which vary depending on what the test is covering.

I'm disappointed with myself over that test. There were some things I couldn't have predicted, but others I could've done better on if I had focused my mind more effectively. (I was actually having difficulty focusing all day in general, unable to harness the other thoughts that were coursing through my brain.) It's just one test, yes, but it exposed in me this continuing frustration I have which is essentially a lack of self-discipline on so many levels.

The class I'm teaching met for the third time last Thursday evening. It only meets once a week, and last week's meeting had been cancelled due to the hurricane. I again felt frustrated. I think the class went fine. But I saw how I wasn't being the teacher I wanted to be. I just don't have the background knowledge to deepen the things I was saying, or the ability to say the right things that bring to light the most important things, sifting it from the background knowledge I do have. I left feeling ungrounded and wondering if they understood anything I was trying to explain. I'm giving them a study guide for the test because I just don't feel like I've been as precise (again!) or as lucid as I would need to be for them to know how to organize their studying. But I am enjoying it. And I realize that we have to start somewhere and that experience is the best remedy, which is why I'm really thankful for this job.

Yesterday afternoon I was so tired on my way home. Thankfully, there were people to talk to on the phone, so the drive wasn't too onerous, but I was tired. I came home, watched some Simpson's, took a bath and shaved my legs and painted my toenails red. I felt a little refreshed. About 8.30/9 Chris took me to our favorite Lebanese restaurant. The evening are feeling a little cooler (as in, we can now sit outside without dripping in sweat but we still don't need a cardigan/longsleeved shirt yet) so we sat outside and dipped pita bread into our favorite dishes. I was feeling restless, wanting to go out on the town, not anywhere in particular, just the idea sounded appealing...something different and fun. We drove down Magazine a bit, but I was falling asleep in the car. (Yea, right, like this girl could ever have the energy to go out on the town.) We came home, and I went to bed.

Questions for the week: is it possible to finish my dissertation in four years? what shoudl I write it on? how does text setting matter in chant? how did Webern's study of early music affect his compositions? how do I give an oral presentation of an analysis of a text? do I have anything to submit to x conference? what if I don't get a job? what if I don't get dissertation funding? when should we have kids? when will our debt magically disappear? will my car make it another 100,000 miles? am I supposed to be reading something for next class's meeting? what's for dinner?

The cursor is blinking ominously at me.

*GRE question: why is "historiographical" in quotes? Answer: is it history? I think so. but it's blogging, wh. I suppose can count as an historiographical medium, but since it's not formally such, I put it in quotes.