on having kids
About a year and a half ago, our best friends here in NOLA had their third kid. She is the cutest chunker in the world. Holding that cute, tiny baby, I thought, "i could get used to this." Three years ago when we got married, I felt unsure about the direction of my life and thought it could be solved by having a kid (but at the same time, I thought that that wasn't a good reason to have one, besides we couldn't afford it.) We still can't afford it.
So I've spent a good amount of energy brandishing away the little sentimental yanks to have a kid. Well, for about the last 10 months, all those yanks dissolved and having a kid was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Actually that's still true. I had a very vivid dream recently that I was pregnant (i think it was indigestion), and in my dream all I could do was sob because I was so upset. I went to a baby shower today for a woman my age who is having her first. Baby stuff is really cute...those soft little elephants sewn onto the diaper bag. I just can't even think about having a baby.
I actually enjoy just enjoying cute plush elephants, because most of the time I can only think about the hard realities of having wee ones. The diapers, the whining, the expense, the my-life-will-never-be-mine-again, the exhaustion, the mess, the constant attention, the inability to turn them off, the inability to sleep until 10 am, the hauling of strollers. I was the oldest of 5. I may not be a mom myself, but I know when there is a baby, life completely changes for it. I just can't bear to think of the juggling and the change I would have to do if I were to have a kid. Not to mention the fact that we just plain can't afford it.
But we do talk about when a good time would be in the future. I've talked to a few women faculty members at LSU who have little kids and/or are pregnant. The word on the street about having kids and being an academic is: 1) there's never a good time, 2) having them sure helps you use your time better, and 3) at least wait until your generals are past. So far I plan to wait until the end days of my dissertation. I wouldn't mind waiting past that until more of the student debt is paid off and the possibility of buying a house, well, becomes a possibility. At any rate, I would at least like to live in the same building as a washer and dryer before I have a kid.
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you'll never ever be able to afford it. unless chris becomes a lawyer or something. so drop that pipe-dream now. the Lord will provide when it's time, and I truly believe that (and it's pretty much the only reason I dont have constant heart burn and a twitch in my face).
sure it'll all be different. but it will be a good kinda different. right?
Posted by: bobw | 22.05.04 21:42
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I hope it will be a good kinda different. Right now all I can think is (and I'm not even pregnant or planning to be in the near future) what kind of diapers will I use...cloth or disposable? Because baby=diapers and feeding in my head.
You're right, the Lord will provide when it's time. I also think, though, there are different levels of being able to afford a kid. And right now I just don't think we can afford it...financially or physically...at least until I'm a better place with my education, and Chris is certified...that is, until we have the right credentials to get "real jobs."
Posted by: Jeannette | 23.05.04 22:31
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I suppose so, but my parents raised 2 of us without "real jobs" for a while. bank teller, house cleaner, bug killer, car repossesor, etc.
recreating is nice, sure. but procreating is where it's at.
Posted by: bobw | 24.05.04 10:56
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okay :) It's not like either of us is biased in our opinions... :D
Posted by: Jeannette | 24.05.04 11:41
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OOOOOOOOOO, I like that bobw! recreating is nice, sure. but procreating is where it's at
LLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!
Posted by: mom1 | 24.05.04 16:20
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Note: that is my mother. Not procreating is nice, too.
Posted by: Jeannette | 24.05.04 16:40
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Amen, Jeannette.
Posted by: mom2 | 25.05.04 07:12
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I think you & Chris should write a book about this someday.
Posted by: mom2 | 25.05.04 09:53
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well, we could write books...just depends on what "this" will be. :)
Posted by: Jeannette | 25.05.04 19:01
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I have always thought it would interesting to see what Chris would do on the LSATs.
I think he thinks of law in terms of his moot court days (he was AWESOME), but he could bring a lot to child advocacy or technology.
Posted by: mom2 | 26.05.04 07:50
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well, he's definitely go the smarts for it.
Posted by: Jeannette | 26.05.04 09:37
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back to the "this" . . . I'll vent to you off line!!!
Posted by: mom2 | 26.05.04 09:55
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Don't worry so much about it. Once you do have a baby, all those worries will be minimized in the absolute love and joy of your little baby! Not that I've had a baby, but I have spent a lot of time living with them, sometimes as the only adult around. Yes there was lots of cleaning and feeding and diapering, but the most vivid memories are those very first smiles - how exciting they were! "She smiled at me THREE times today." Or the laughing, or splashing in the tub, or baby-talk ("Gaaah!") or singing them to sleep with English folksongs...
Posted by: Grace | 29.05.04 19:51